from Him through me

Hello again, my friends!

I was so genuinely touched yesterday. By my church family, by the sixth grade girls I am able to disciple, by the students I am surrounded with on Sunday nights, and by the Word that is alive!

I hate to bombard anyone with a big chunk of Scripture, but what encouragement I found in this.

Yet I am writing to you a new command; its truth is seen in him and in you, because the darkness is passing and the true light is already shining. Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness. Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light and there is nothing in them to make them stumble. But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them. 

1 John 2:8-11

How blessed are we to be able to walk in the light of our Savior? What grace is this that we are able to walk in the freedom of eternal and everlasting love? 

In this confusing and frustrating and fulfilling walk, I am finding more and more the beauty of the sovereignty of the Lord. We are given a truth, and that is the Word that lives in us. For a while I would always think, "What on earth does it mean that God's Word is alive? That just doesn't click because it is simply words on paper." But how wondrous it is to find that when you speak truth over yourself daily, when you speak Jesus's words of love and of peace over your heart, you feel those words living in you and through you. 

This sovereignty is overwhelming me with the fact that I can do whatever it is that I want. I can choose to do good for God, and I can choose to try my hardest to bring the love of God to others. I can put my whole heart into changing hearts and bringing salvation, but I am able to do NONE of this. This is all the doing of my Creator. It is only His power that works through my physical body. From Him through me. I love resonating in that. 

The next part of this passage touched me so deeply because of the brokenness our world is experiencing after the terror in Paris this past weekend. It pains me to even read the news and it breaks my heart to see humanity so torn over ideology, so desperate for something unshakable to stand on. And I am simply torn in half, for those apart from ISIS seem to have no choice but to stand stagnant until another attack is thrown at us. But maybe it is in these situations, in these times of tragedy and confusion and pain, that we must choose to throw Truth at our world. It is these members of ISIS who are the deepest darkness. They don't know where they are going. They have nothing to keep them from stumbling because their eyes simply have not been opened to the light, and because of this they are so filled with hatred and drive to kill that they seek only destruction. 

I want so badly to feel protected in my own country, and I would love the security of knowing that no attacks are coming to my city or my home. But there is no guarantee and, therefore, there is no time for us to sit on our couches and say "Go blow ISIS to shreds and be done with it." This is a time that we must bury our lives, bury our nations, bury our WORLD in unending prayer for light to finally be shed in every inch of the earth. 

Our world is dark. Our world is broken. And what a beautiful opportunity I am given to be a vessel for those sitting in darkness in Nepal. For those who are desperate for a hope that cannot be touched. Whether it be the nations threatened by terror or those shaken by earthquakes, the church must. not. sit. stagnant. Followers of Christ, I am discovering, are called into those darkest places, for light does not shine except in those places. And lies of the enemy, the ones that say there is no hope and no solution and no light at the end of the tunnel, can only be buried with truth. THE truth. 

We must stop shivering in fear and grasping for our safety net when there is so much of the world unreached. There is so much of the world untouched by their Only Hope. 

I pray that you will stand with me. I pray that you will help me to stand. I will be spending two months in Nepal this summer, and if you wish to partner with me in this, click the link below to help me spread the name of the Only Hope our world has left. 

PARTNER WITH ME HERE

a call too loud to be ignored

Hello all!
I felt the need to update you all on what's been going on lately. It's been a long while since I posted, and there has been great transition, and quite honestly, many 180 degree turn arounds in the past five months or so. Since about June of this past summer, I have been digging deep into God's Word and have begun serving in student ministry at Church of the Highlands. With no other way to put it, I have fallen head over heels in love with Jesus, and as a result, have changed my major and flipped my life upside down for the better. After months of going out, making mistakes and letting my grades drop, my Creator has shown me the meaning of surrendered life and my worth in Him. God has worked through me to be a light to so many people already, and having the opportunity to minister to and disciple my group of sixth grade girls has been a blessing beyond measure.

Then, about two months ago, something huge and terrifying and life-altering occurred. I had been thinking about mission work in Nepal earlier in the summer, and it had slipped from my mind for a while. For my birthday, one of my very close friends gave me a present that, little did she know, would be my word from God. I was given a notebook that was made in Nepal--and as crazy as this is going to sound-- as soon as it touched my hands, my heart raced. My hands tingled. I got this feeling.
Feeling the Spirit moving in me, I went home and did some research. What I found simply blew my mind: there was a trip to Nepal through the same organization I had been wanting to do mission work for for years now... and it took place the exact same dates for the internship I had been planning to do in New York...and I would be able to minister through art and creativity... and I would be working with women in beauty salons (two things I am incredibly passionate about). "Surely," I prayed, "God couldn't be calling me to spend two whole months in a nation halfway across the earth for my first mission trip." But the feeling wouldn't relent. As quickly as I wanted to say "THIS IS IT! I MUST APPLY NOW", I thought I couldn't do something so impulsive without some sort of confirmation.

I buried myself in Scripture every day for over a month. I prayed relentlessly over this call that weighed heavier on me every day. About two weeks later, my mom informed me that we would no longer be going on vacation at the beginning of June, and though I was first upset, that ended up being my first confirmation, as the dates of our family vacation were going to conflict with the dates of the Nepal trip. I kept praying. I kept reading.

I came across Luke 9:62 where Jesus says, "Anyone who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is not fit to serve the Kingdom." Confirmation number two. How could I have heard something so clearly from God and turn my back on it? How could all of these things be a coincidence?

About a week later, I wrecked my car. $500 of my savings was drained. Sitting at the repair shop, all I could think was, "You're not going to Nepal. There's simply no way now that you've let this happen." But I went home, and I settled in prayer. And, as clear as ever, the Lord said, "Apply. Trust me."
So I did. After losing nearly half my savings account, I applied for a $5,000 two month mission trip, surrendering and trusting with all I knew how to.

A few days later, confirmation number three occurred. Months before, I had volunteered to do some artwork for a close friend of mine, and for no reason at all, she paid me for it. I refused to accept it, but she refused to take no for an answer. In that moment, God moved in my heart to say, "You trust, I provide." What a blessing my friend was on that day.

Two weeks later, after numerous back and forth arguments with myself of "I can't do this" and "I can't ignore such a clear calling," I received  a most obvious confirmation: I was accepted! And I had two weeks to put down my $100 deposit. This was pressure. This was urgency.
As crazy as the next two weeks were, you all would get bored reading every detail, but I can tell you that nearly once a day I encountered something that had "confirmation" written all over it. From my boss telling me a story about living for God in the here and now, to encouragement from nearly every person I talked to about the trip, every arrow pointed to GO.

Telling my mom was nerve-racking. She's my best friend. She's the one person I so desperately seek support from, and I expected her timidity. I knew she couldn't be excited by any means because of the risk that this trip would be and the circumstances surrounding our family. But this was the one time that, though she wasn't necessarily happy about me going, I knew I had to lean on what I heard from my Creator. I had to look to Him for support and provision. This was, and still is, the most difficult part of pursuing this trip: being torn between honoring my mother's wishes and following a calling that was simply too loud to be ignored.
So I made my deposit. Every day, it is the prayer, "Lord, I don't know how You will make this happen, but I trust that you will." I came to the realization that I can pray for the ability to make the money and I can pray for the wisdom to touch the people of Nepal, but it is ultimately my God who does these things. He has put me in these circumstances that make this trip seem virtually impossible so that when my feet hit the ground in Nepal, I will have no choice to say, "God and God alone got me here. All the glory and praise goes to Him."

One of my best friends gave me an insight that she had from Scripture that gave me such encouragement. In the book of Matthew, James and John dropped EVERYTHING to follow Jesus with only the words, "Come, follow me, and I will make you fishers of men." Eleven words. Eleven words was all they needed to drop everything they had and everything they knew to follow their Savior. So why was it taking me any more than the initial call and numerous confirmations afterward to drop it all and simply follow? It was time for me to stop looking for the big neon sign and stop searching for yet another assurance because, as my friend put it, "Every search for confirmation is another opportunity for God to say yes, but it is also another opportunity for the enemy to tell you no." And that was my tipping point. I decided that I have to stop doubting and searching and simply follow.

So here I am! I am currently 1.96% funded, I am currently following God into complete darkness, and I am currently praying for a financial and spiritual miracle. I don't necessarily feel ready for two months in Nepal, and I don't necessarily feel qualified to minister to anyone, but I remember every day that God does not call the qualified. He qualifies the called.
If you made it through this whole post, you rock; but laying out this timeline was necessary to see every detail of God moving so pertinently in my heart. I am so excited to spread the Good News to a nation that is earthquake shaken and targeted by human trafficking and so desperate for the love of our Creator. Nepal is only about 10% Christian, but the church is on the rise there. And with so many ears who have not heard the name of Jesus, I can't wait to be a vessel for God to mend hearts before my very eyes.

If any of you feel moved to support me in this venture, financially and/or prayerfully, I'm providing the link below where you can make donations to my fund. I keep telling myself that if 50 people donate $100 I will be fully funded! But any amount that the Lord may put on your heart to give is an absolute blessing.

CLICK HERE TO DONATE


Much love to all, I will be posting more often to update you guys on how God moves in this!

xo Savannah

callings and the darkroom

My last blog post was written nearly eleven months ago, and I want to be completely raw with you all here. In those eleven months, I have gone from thinking I had a grasp on God and his plan and his grace, to nearly losing faith completely, falling out of church, and downward spiraling into the hole of thinking I'm not good enough and am selfish and am worth nothing more than the things I can do for MYSELF and MY life.
Last weekend I attended Motion Student Conference. It's an event orchestrated by Church of the Highlands, and this time last year, had I been invited to Motion, I probably would have turned down that invitation. I despised the idea of a mega church. I was nervous about the thought of thousands of people worshiping God together, and now I'm realizing that maybe it's because I thought in the back of my mind that if something gets that big and makes that much of an impact, are these people really even experiencing anything? Or are they just overwhelmed by the music and the noise and mistake it for the presence of God?
But I was the one mistaken. I thought I had it all figured out, that God's plan for me was to surely make a success of me, to give me everything I ever dreamed of just because I said, "Sure, God, I'll trust you." I had no idea of what it meant to blindly and completely walk in faith with Jesus. And I had no idea that God has a calling for each of us. But hear me out everyone: We are not designed to create our own personal successes and glorify our own personal lives. We are created, fearfully and wonderfully, to listen to our calling that is ALWAYS given to glorify God and impact his people.
Over the course of the weekend, the theme for everyone seemed to be realizing that calling. I watched thousands of students and a number of my close friends realize their calling to missions or ministry, and I thought, "What about me, God? Why don't I feel called to this?" I grew angry at myself because I thought that my selfish ambition and "shallow" passions were preventing me from seeing my true calling. Little did I know, my community group of nine completely different college students, the sermons from Christine Caine and Mark Pettus, and my devotion the following Sunday morning would flip my world upside down.
I had been thinking a lot about ministry. I love to speak to people. I love for people to hear what I have to say and to hear an "amen" every once in a while, but when I think about my talents and my dreams and my passions, I realize that they all seem to have a common theme: cultures that are most seldom reached out to.
The wealthy. Who thinks to reach out to and minister to the rich? To answer your question, not very many people. We so sorrily mistake the outer image of worldly success, wealth and influence for happiness and inner contentment, but when you look at the news and at the upper echelon of society, all you see is brokenness. Suicide, corruption, overdoses. So many of these people are absolutely lost because, according to our world, they have it all, but they still feel empty.
Those of different beliefs. Who actually has the boldness to try to tell a Hindu immigrant in Queens, New York that they believe the wrong thing? A question that has always crossed my mind is, "What happens to the people who devote themselves entirely to a different God and live good lives and are so diligent in their religious duties but never hear of Jesus? Who am I to tell them they're wrong?"
I've known I want to live in New York nearly my entire life. I went through phases of wanting to be a writer in New York, a journalist in New York, an artist in New York and now a fashion designer in New York. All different paths with the same geographic endpoint. This weekend I realized that New York is my mission field. With a career in the fashion industry, a culture so consumed by negativity and the materialistic world, I am able to reach so many people in the upper class. I am able to influence the influential. And to realize that my passions, my dreams and my desires are not in vain seems to be a miracle as big as the resurrection of Jesus Himself!
Hear me out. Our talents are not our own. Our days are not our own. Our successes are not our own. We are not our own, and OUR TALENTS ARE NOT IN VAIN.
The abilities God blesses each of us with are to do nothing more than better his kingdom. And for light to have finally shone on the thing I have been most searching for, a way to glorify God through a career in design, leaves me speechless.
The day after Motion, I was up at 5 am reading my daily devotion. And what do I know, the August 2nd devotion was centered on the creative people of the world. In the book of Exodus, God appoints numerous people to create for him. He blesses them specifically with knowledge, wisdom, creativity and artistic ability to create for his glory. Proverbs 31 speaks of a woman who selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. I realized that morning that my earlier selfish ambition led me to my mission field. The process of being future-obsessed, career-focused, and in love with the idea of the people of upper class New York glorifying me led me to my calling to make New York City my mission field.
A woman named Christine Caine spoke at the conference for one of the sessions, and I wish I could just write down the quotes of absolute wisdom that this woman embedded into the minds of eleven thousand students. She spoke of staying in the darkroom, letting God develop our hearts and transform us before we can be appointed for what he has already anointed us for. This weekend I witnessed THOUSANDS of young people write down their calling and vow to stand on it. I watched eleven thousand young people lift their hands in worship. I danced with eleven thousand young people to the joy and peace given by the love of Jesus.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE. The Wednesday after Motion, Sarah and I attended the First Wednesday service at Church of the Highlands, and the speaker, John Maxwell, blew my mind once again. When he first started speaking, I sank into my chair, thinking, "Great, this guy's voice irritates me and I really don't want to listen to it for the next hour." But John, I came to learn, is an incredibly successful business man and leader in the secular world, and his entire message was centered around being intentional with our faith. He told his story of being a pastor for 25 years and realizing one day that he is called to reach the people who don't turn to church in the hard times because those who really need God don't seek God. He was called to minister to the secular business world, to people who run from God instead of to Him. About halfway through the sermon, Sarah leaned over and said, "You know this guy is basically speaking over your entire life, right?" And I was enthralled. I have no doubt in my mind that God had brought me to Highlands that night to reaffirm the calling on my heart that says I don't have to be a pastor or a missionary to minister to God's people. It was mind-blowing. John Maxwell is a highly admired business leader who people constantly seek the advice of, and he interests them to the point that they are begging to hear where he gets his secrets to success: the Bible and the love of Jesus. And who's to say that I can't do that in the fashion world?
There is more to this life than selfish ambition. There is more to this life than your career and glorifying your own successes. There is a peace that settles in us when we realize that "God has plucked us out of eternity, positioned us in time, and given us gifts and talents to serve him in this generation" (one of the many beautiful quotes by Christine). An arena full of thousands worshiping our Savior looked like the exact opposite of what I initially thought it would: it looked like a generation approaching a revival that can turn this world around for good. We are out to change things. We are out to love and to speak life into people everywhere from the poorest villages to the richest social classes. We have to realize that our callings take time, and that God must forge His heart in us so that we may be able to carry out our full potential in Him, but oh how wonderful we can be if we just stay in the darkroom for a little while.

My NAM Story (forewarning: embarrassing old pictures and lots of emotion)

As a sort of spin-off from my previous Miss America post and the fact that our newly crowned queen is a former National American Miss titleholder, I would like to tell my person NAM story.
I began as an anxious seven year old in 2004. Mom and I essentially had no idea what we were walking into, but after placing in top ten my first year and being in absolute awe of the state and national queens I met, I was hooked.
The next few years, I would repeatedly do my personal introduction as a daily ritual and practice like a good little pageant girl. I moved up to fourth runner up the next year and first runner up the next. Once I moved into the Preteen division as a ten year old, I made top ten as one of the youngest in my division (with my precious blonde boyfriend of the time in the audience--I felt like hot stuff, let me tell you).
                                 

NAM AL 2007 state pageant: the annual formal pose

In 2008, I remember working harder than ever before. I focused on interview more than ever and always strived to make the judges laugh. My dress was from a local consignment shop by my house, and it was the first time I'd ever worn white. Here began my addiction to white dresses: 2008 was my first year to capture a state title, and my crowning moment was the definition of the "ugly cry" face.
                                         

Okay... yeah... we've come a long way since '08...

       As we trekked off to Hollywood for the national pageant, I never knew that I would meet two girls I would call my best friends for years afterward. Of course, being from Alabama, my next door state neighbor of Georgia became my southern accomplice. Victoria and I have befriended each other's friends at home and have remained close for nearly six years along with our cross-country San Diego beauty queen Tierra. As the South California representative, Tierra won the national title of National American Miss Preteen after placing first runner up twice before.

Friends who do pageants together (and are weird together)...

stay together.

These two girls are prime examples of the beauty of pageant friendship. No matter how far they lived, we made Christmas visits whenever possible and are still so close to this day (Tierra and I actually planned to be college roommates if I had gone to NYU, and she is currently taking on New York City as an aspiring, and sure to be successful, journalist).
                                 

NAM AL 2010 state pageant: oh, those lovely opening numbers poses!

     After crowning my successor in 2009, I was back to competing for my state title. I had always wondered why girls who won their state title once would come back again, and some may think it's another attempt to win the national title. That is, of course, very true. A NAM national title is a dream of most girls', but it goes so much farther than that. I kept on because the experience is intoxicating. Being on stage is one of the most indescribable feelings, and I can only begin to describe all that I've learned in the past ten years.
     The next three years, I competed for my state title in the Jr. Teen division, placing in top ten, second runner up, and then fourth runner up. As discouraging as it was to place lower that final year, I did not consider "retiring" because of that discouragement. I was approaching college preparation years and felt that I needed to focus my full attention on my future. And then, after considering myself "retired from pageantry" during that next year, the craziest thing that has ever happened to me occurred at the 2014 state pageant.
     I originally went to help some younger girls who my mom and I had prepared (you would not believe how many girls we have gotten into NAM--we are walking billboards for the organization). The first night we arrived, mom leaned over to me and said, "So... why don't you just compete?" And so, long story short, we entered the next morning and had a friend bring down an old gown, interview dress and shoes, and I was all of a sudden out of retirement and back at it again! I wrote my introduction the night before, went over my walk that was basically muscle memory from so many times before, and on June 9, 2014, I was crowned the National American Miss Alabama Teen 2014.

                                       
    I often wish I could relive that crowning moment on stage because the shock made it all such a blur. I have never felt so confident that God put me here with such strange circumstances I was crowned in. For nine years, I had worked for months in advance for that one summer weekend, and then I won with no stressful preparation and simply having fun and being myself .
    Then, a few weeks later, I received a selfie from Victoria with her new Georgia Teen crown and sash! Victoria and I are now preparing to embark on NAM Nationals take two and cannot wait to reunite with the other third of our friendship when Tierra flies from New York to the national pageant as well. This, my friends, is what fate looks like.
                                                      
    I suppose I could say that a lot happened in my time of retirement in terms of self-discovery, but I know for a fact that National American Miss shaped me into the young woman I am today. I have learned the communication skills that undoubtedly gave me success in my Montevallo interview and now has me a free college education. I am in love with public speaking and take every chance I have to tell others my story and encourage them to take part in the amazing pageant system that changed my life for the better. Most importantly, I believe, National American Miss taught me to love myself. Promoting that All-American girl ideal of a young woman who is true to herself and devoted to changing lives is what set the passion in my heart on fire for this organization.
    Through high school I struggled for years with negative body-image and constantly comparing myself to others, but I now know that being an inspirational person does not require you to be a size two. Serving others does not require you to look like that ideal "pageant girl."
     I have never felt more prepared for a pageant than I am for nationals this Thanksgiving, and that is not just because I have been practicing for months already. It's because I love who I am, and I am proud to promote myself to anyone who will listen because I know my passions and I am dedicated to showing girls that self-love is the best love one can possess. With my platform with the American Heart Association, I have adopted the ideas of living a heart-healthy lifestyle and being good to the body you are blessed with, and that a healthy lifestyle is what leads to a positive body-image.
                               

Sept. 2014 Promoting heart-healthy lifestyle and positive 

body-image with the American Heart Association

Dropping my Nick Saban portrait at Alabama's athletic facility for a signature;

I'll be auctioning it off soon for AHA!

    I may be a size 8, but I am a proud size 8. And through the past ten years of everlasting friendship, lifelong communication skills, and reassuring self-confidence, I am so honored to be able to represent a system that made me who I am today.

NAM: changing lives and creating miss americas

To the number of people who are talking down on the newly crowned Miss America, Kira Kazantsev, for her talent with the "cup song," I just want to talk about a few points of pageantry.
I, too, was rather shocked at a Miss America contestant performing a talent that incorporated such a silly move from the much-loved film Pitch Perfect. Being from Alabama, I was pulling for Caitlin Brunell, but I soon heard that New York and Virginia, the top two contestants, were formerly a part of the National American Miss system that I am so proud to be a part of now. It is indescribably inspirational to see women exceed in the world's most prestigious pageant system after growing in the system I call home today.
For those of you thinking negatively of Kira for her quirky choice of talent, remember what pageantry is about. Remember how beautiful her voice was despite her modernized addition. The talent portion of competition is only 20% of each contestant's overall score, and the girl has a phenomenal voice. That is a talent just as any other.
But more than that, I saw the speaking skill and brains in Kira in her onstage question. Even after competing in pageants for over fourteen years now, I sat and thought, I would have had no idea how to answer a question about how women in the Senate should stand tall over men and make changes that matter to women. And her answer blew me away! She not only had an educated and sincere answer, but she spoke with poise and calmness even in knowing that she only had twenty seconds to give the perfect answer.
A pageant interview is what takes the crown, and seeing only a fraction of her brains and communication skills, I can only imagine how quickly she captured the judges' hearts in a ten-minute interview. I know first hand of the pressure in an interview room and knowing in the back of your mind that you have this small time slot to convince a few strangers that you are the best potential titleholder. You have to be smart and quick-witted and elegant in your speech, and that is what pageantry is all about to me. It is being a woman who can speak and connect with people on a level that allows them to see her greatness, even if there are only a couple of minutes to do so.
National American Miss, I have no doubt, grew Kira into a woman perfectly suitable to represent our country with the Miss America crown, because I know what I have learned from it on my own terms. NAM girls are world-chagners who inspire people every single day. They are the all-American girls who are unique and special, and they are dedicated to serving the world and its people. I am honored to be a part of such an organization, and Kira has only created more motivation and given stronger inspiration to NAM girls and other young women to go out and chase their dreams.

the arrogantly educated atheist

Most, if not all, of my posts about my college experience so far have been nothing but positive, and it is my sincere desire to keep it that way. As I further my experience as a writer, however, there are certain bothers that I experience and feel compelled to share with the world. Because, obviously, writers expect the entirely of the world to care what they have to rant about.
As I wrote in my former post, college has distilled in me an intense enthusiasm for learning. I could complain about my hours of homework and how I would rather watch Netflix in my pajamas than read a four hundred page poem in which I "don't really have to know what is going on, but should simply absorb the beauty of the language" (those liberal arts writing electives are pretty deep, eh?). But I am truly enjoying myself. And I actually use more of my current leisure time to read books of my own choosing than ever before.
This week I experienced something new that has really pulled at me on the inside. It's something I should have expected at a liberal arts school, and likely something I should overlook in the matter of being a good student and learning what I am taught on my own terms.
Religion is not taught as a belief system, but as a historical story nothing unlike war and socialization. A culture's worshiping of God is portrayed as a simple-minded thought in humanity, and not as what has created history in and of itself. Maybe it's just me and the fact that when I am taught about faith, I am taught in a church and learn the stories and beliefs that, in my mind, are true and worthy of living by. Religion to me is not a minute aspect of life, and as it has been for any religious peoples of the earth, it is something that consumes one's lifestyle because that is what we live for and is the reason we are here in the first place.
I am looked down upon by many for being a Christian and expressing my Christian views in the things I'm learning. It seems like to not believe is considered more educated because you have figured out how the universe and life was created scientifically, and that it is silly and childish to think that any majestic phenomenon of this "higher power" could have actually happened. As Christians, we indirectly incorporate Godly beliefs into everyday knowledge just as an atheist would incorporate his "realistic and practical" views into everything he experiences. But how is it fair that believing in Christ and a heavenly afterlife makes me less educated than you? How is it deemed respectable for you to think I'm ignorant just because you can study religion in a completely objectified manner and I cannot because I believe in a specific one? The Bible is history, and so is the Torah and philosophical books of nearly every other belief system.
We are looked down upon for believing in what they see as a magical supreme being, but how are they to know that it is anything short of real?

on learning and absorbing and scholarly mindsets

Yes, I know I'm a freshman.  Yes, I know, not only am I a freshman, I am only a two-week-old freshman. And yes, I know I'm still absolutely ignorant about most things college-related.
But if there is one thing I have realized in the past two weeks here at the University of Montevallo, it is that learning is one of the most fantastic experiences I have ever come across. College, to me, is not simply a place to earn a sheet of paper that will give me a one-up on someone applying for a job with only a high school diploma. It is not a place to meet my future husband (even if it happens coincidentally) and get my MRS degree (which will not happen under any circumstances).
College is a place of exposure. It is a campus of not only beautifully sculpted buildings, but of professors who are experts of their practice and want to extend their knowledge and experiences to us students. My history teacher, Dr. Barone, talks a lot about becoming a scholar. He tells about the process of reading book after book and listening to lecture after lecture and putting together information in one's mind on its own terms to connect all of the information.
I can't even describe the excitement of having that sense of enlightenment when you know exactly what a professor is talking about and you can raise your hand in mention of something you read earlier that connects in some odd way to the current subject. Don't get me wrong, raising my hand for the first time made me feel more than simply exposed. My voice faltered a few times in my fifty-person sociology class while mentioning a reading about education reform. But the praise I received from my professor made up for any naked feeling I previously experienced (not to mention it was the professor I was a little terrified of on the first day).
My mind wandered a bit today in Dr. Barone's History of World Civilizations class, and I started thinking about my future education. What am I going to major in? Am I going to continue onto graduate school after my four years at Montevallo? And if I do, where will I go? Will I go to a fashion school to study what will pertain to my future career? Or will I learn to love this core education program and idea of becoming a scholar so much that I apply to an Ivy League grad school and continue what I'm enjoying so much at this moment? Will I actually fulfill my high school dream of Columbia University and study philosophy or journalism or media or public relations?

I have had this plan for the past couple of years to finish my undergrad and immediately land a job at a top fashion publication to begin working my way up to editor. I imagined myself delving into the fashion and journalism courses and getting the core studies out of the way as soon as I could to begin learning about what I will do for the rest of my life. I suppose that was before I realized my love for learning. I can't express to you guys how refreshing it is to know that I have all the time in the world to learn more and more and never stop learning! To know that I can take any path in life that I desire and make success out of it because I am dedicated and enthusiastic and passionate about living. If I can inspire any of you young people to realize anything in your coming years, I can only hope that it will be to dedicate yourself to learning in college. I know how insignificant it seems to learn the material in high school that you will forget the week after the test, but the things you learn in college, the brilliance of the professors, the lessons they teach you through their material, allow it to sink into your mind and resonate. Learn from the mistakes and successes that are pictured in history. People watch and use the theories you are taught in sociology to figure different humans out. Apply the environmental conservation ideas to your personal life and then travel the entire world to experience lives different from your own. Take the weird elective class that may not apply to your major but seems deeply fascinating because that is the class that will change your life. Take hard classes. Challenge your minds, I beg of you, because that is what will inspire you to want to change your life and other peoples' lives and the entire world and what could possibly change your entire mindset on what you want to do forever.
Please know that it is okay to not have your life figured out at 20 years old. This is not the time to have your life planned out; it is the time to absorb the knowledge that you can to make those life-altering decisions before you are forced to make them.

I tell you here and now that there is nothing more intimidating than being surrounded by a bunch of people who are ten times smarter than you. But there is nothing like the motivation to someday grow to outdo them.