misconceptions about preparation

I'm hesitant on how to start this post without coming off wrong, but with no other way to put it, I imagined that preparing for a mission trip would be much easier than it is. 

I thought that committing to spend months overseas for God would set my heart on fire for Him. I thought it would alter my life in such a way that, before I even stepped foot in Nepal, I would be given a faith so strong that nothing could bring me down. The enemy supposedly had different plans for me and my holiday season. 

Seasons are thrown at us right and left, as both Christians and humans in general, and this past month has been a season of frustration and stress and a feeling of paralyzed distance from the Lord. I have not only been pulled back and forth about future plans, but have been receiving doubts upon doubts about whether I should even go to Nepal. The one thing I was so sure of less than two months before was being pulled away--the one call from God I had ever clearly heard. 

Everyone made it out to be so easy, committing to a mission trip. You hear your calling, you commit to a trip, you raise the money, everyone gets excited for you, then you go and you serve and you are forever changed. But the truth is, as I am now realizing, that anytime we are on the verge of a breakthrough in our faith, the enemy is always going to make it harder for us to reach that breakthrough. He will use every opportunity to sting us with doubts, deceive us into thinking it is impossible to raise the money, or even tell us that we won't be able to handle two months away from home. 

Amidst all the stress, all the distractions, all the trauma of battling back and forth in my mind, I came across 1 Peter 5:10--
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

And it seemed to be a direct answer. I learned two things from this season of distance: 

1. We suffer for a reason. We go through tough seasons for a reason. I firmly believe that God does not cause bad things to happen to us; God is inherently and completely good in that way. But the enemy loves to throw curve balls at us, to trip us up in our walk of faith, to make life so hard sometimes that we begin to blame God for every bad circumstance and situation. The Lord does not cause bad things to happen, but he sees Satan's curveballs coming and because of that He puts them to good use. Every ounce of suffering we endure, as long as we cling to what we know is good, will always result in our strength and persevered relationship with Jesus. It all sounds so cliche, but how often do we find ourselves in the bathroom floor on our knees, pleading for God's presence and guidance, when life is going well? We need those moments. 

2. It does not matter how distant you feel from God sometimes, because that does not change the fact that he will never leave you. Feelings are absolutely fleeting sensations, and basing our lives on what we feel is basing our lives on something that changes constantly. We can feel distant. We can feel alone and upset. We can feel angry and isolated. We can feel condemned and shameful. But none of those feelings change the truths that we are never alone and we are new again. Aren't you thankful for that?!

And then today I realized that in the middle of all this unnecessary freaking out, I sent out my first fundraising letters without including the envelopes for recipients to mail checks in. So most of this financial stress is just from me being silly and forgetful. 

I guess, to tie this back to what I was initially writing about, I'll end with the statement that nothing about preparing for a calling is simple. I constantly tell my students at Highlands, when they're going through times of struggle, that you know you're onto something good when life gets hard. That means a breakthrough is close, for the enemy is doing everything in his power to throw you off track before you reach that light. So we keep walking, and we continue to cling to the only thing that we know to be good and true, and we trust that our God, the God of kept promises, will fulfill the promises he gave to us as we take yet another step toward His voice.

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I will be spending two months in Kathmandu, Nepal during summer 2016 to spread the love of Jesus, I still have $4,860 to raise before I launch on June 3! Partner with me in this ministry with Adventures in Missions HERE! 

this Love will ruin every fear

So I haven't stopped listening to this song since I first heard it a week or so ago. Spontaneous worship is one of the most beautiful things to me-- to simply sing out words on your heart.

A few things that scream out to me in this song:
-To have my eyes open to see you, to have my heart open to know you
-This love doesn't care if you don't think you can cut it
-This Love will ruin every fear
-There is no chain this love can't break

Living open to God... what a way to live. Eyes open, heart open-- all open to hear the voice of the Creator, all open to seek His Face. I read something the other day calling Christians out on not seeking 100% of Jesus, and how convicting one statement can be! We can't choose parts of the Word that apply to us, just as we can't choose when or where we follow Jesus. It's an all or nothing concept, and so often we may find ourselves seeking around 65% of Jesus' heart. We sit around a D-.
But one thing I do know is that Jesus didn't put 65% of himself on the cross so that we could live in freedom, it was all or nothing. Why, then, should we not seek ALL of his heart in return? Why, then, should we not put our entire souls into going to the ends of the earth so that every being possible can experience his boundless love?

Next line. This love doesn't care if you don't think you can cut it. YES. PREACH. YES.
I struggle so deeply with this. To hear a calling on your heart is one thing, but to hear a calling that makes you tremble with fear and a feeling of inability or paralysis... that's another. But in all honesty, I am coming to believe that God will never set a calling on your heart that does not put you in a position of complete dependence on Him. If you can complete a dream on your own, if you don't need the grace of God beside you every single day that you walk out a calling, then it probably isn't a Spirit-led dream. As terrifying as this sounds, this is the beauty of Heavenly Purpose laid out in real life. When we watch our lives fold out in front of us and watch our words go from, "How on earth will you make this work, Lord?" to "How on earth have you successfully completed this work, Lord?"... this is when the glory of God is shone brightest. He does not care if you don't think you can cut it, because He can ALWAYS cut it for you. God does not call the qualified; He qualifies the called.

Next one. This love will ruin every fear. Goodness, Housefires, you're doing it right.
Since the ISIS attacks in Paris, our world has been paralyzed with fear. We watch our backs and flinch at every noise, and though this may feel necessary in today's circumstances, fear is not a fruit of the Spirit. Let me repeat that...
Fear is not a fruit of the Spirit. 
Jesus was repeatedly threatened with people wanting to stone him, arrest him, kill him. Yet he walked fearlessly through the world, and this is one of the things where we must seek Jesus 100%. We cannot tiptoe through life with hesitancy when we have a Heavenly protector. I am not ignoring the fact that Christians are being killed. I am not ignoring the fact that ISIS is targeting the western civilization. I am simply confronting the fact that the love of our Savior ruins the fears that holds us back from completing our ultimate mission.

Finally, and the one that speaks so deeply into my heart for the people of Nepal.
There is no chain this love can't break.
The world is dark. The world is in chains. But any chain holding any person back from the love of Jesus can and will be broken. Those with broken hearts, those held captive in the trafficking industry, those suffering from loss, those with addictions, those looking for hope in the wrong places because of their culture, even those of the broken mindsets of ISIS members... they're all chains. And there is no chain this Love can't break. In a matter of five months, the chains of insecurity, of empty living, of constant mistakes... all of my chains were broken. And I can't wait to be a vessel to watch chains be broken in the nation of Nepal.

It's beautiful, the power of eternal love-- a love that casts out any fear and qualifies the most unlikely of people. We are the royal priesthood. We are the chosen people. We are God's special possession. And it's time to start living in step with that.

I will be spending June and July 2016 in Kathmandu, Nepal to spread the love of Jesus and open the eyes of the blind. I pray that you will partner with me, be it financially or prayerfully. Click here to support me!

from Him through me

Hello again, my friends!

I was so genuinely touched yesterday. By my church family, by the sixth grade girls I am able to disciple, by the students I am surrounded with on Sunday nights, and by the Word that is alive!

I hate to bombard anyone with a big chunk of Scripture, but what encouragement I found in this.

Yet I am writing to you a new command; its truth is seen in him and in you, because the darkness is passing and the true light is already shining. Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness. Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light and there is nothing in them to make them stumble. But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them. 

1 John 2:8-11

How blessed are we to be able to walk in the light of our Savior? What grace is this that we are able to walk in the freedom of eternal and everlasting love? 

In this confusing and frustrating and fulfilling walk, I am finding more and more the beauty of the sovereignty of the Lord. We are given a truth, and that is the Word that lives in us. For a while I would always think, "What on earth does it mean that God's Word is alive? That just doesn't click because it is simply words on paper." But how wondrous it is to find that when you speak truth over yourself daily, when you speak Jesus's words of love and of peace over your heart, you feel those words living in you and through you. 

This sovereignty is overwhelming me with the fact that I can do whatever it is that I want. I can choose to do good for God, and I can choose to try my hardest to bring the love of God to others. I can put my whole heart into changing hearts and bringing salvation, but I am able to do NONE of this. This is all the doing of my Creator. It is only His power that works through my physical body. From Him through me. I love resonating in that. 

The next part of this passage touched me so deeply because of the brokenness our world is experiencing after the terror in Paris this past weekend. It pains me to even read the news and it breaks my heart to see humanity so torn over ideology, so desperate for something unshakable to stand on. And I am simply torn in half, for those apart from ISIS seem to have no choice but to stand stagnant until another attack is thrown at us. But maybe it is in these situations, in these times of tragedy and confusion and pain, that we must choose to throw Truth at our world. It is these members of ISIS who are the deepest darkness. They don't know where they are going. They have nothing to keep them from stumbling because their eyes simply have not been opened to the light, and because of this they are so filled with hatred and drive to kill that they seek only destruction. 

I want so badly to feel protected in my own country, and I would love the security of knowing that no attacks are coming to my city or my home. But there is no guarantee and, therefore, there is no time for us to sit on our couches and say "Go blow ISIS to shreds and be done with it." This is a time that we must bury our lives, bury our nations, bury our WORLD in unending prayer for light to finally be shed in every inch of the earth. 

Our world is dark. Our world is broken. And what a beautiful opportunity I am given to be a vessel for those sitting in darkness in Nepal. For those who are desperate for a hope that cannot be touched. Whether it be the nations threatened by terror or those shaken by earthquakes, the church must. not. sit. stagnant. Followers of Christ, I am discovering, are called into those darkest places, for light does not shine except in those places. And lies of the enemy, the ones that say there is no hope and no solution and no light at the end of the tunnel, can only be buried with truth. THE truth. 

We must stop shivering in fear and grasping for our safety net when there is so much of the world unreached. There is so much of the world untouched by their Only Hope. 

I pray that you will stand with me. I pray that you will help me to stand. I will be spending two months in Nepal this summer, and if you wish to partner with me in this, click the link below to help me spread the name of the Only Hope our world has left. 

PARTNER WITH ME HERE

a call too loud to be ignored

Hello all!
I felt the need to update you all on what's been going on lately. It's been a long while since I posted, and there has been great transition, and quite honestly, many 180 degree turn arounds in the past five months or so. Since about June of this past summer, I have been digging deep into God's Word and have begun serving in student ministry at Church of the Highlands. With no other way to put it, I have fallen head over heels in love with Jesus, and as a result, have changed my major and flipped my life upside down for the better. After months of going out, making mistakes and letting my grades drop, my Creator has shown me the meaning of surrendered life and my worth in Him. God has worked through me to be a light to so many people already, and having the opportunity to minister to and disciple my group of sixth grade girls has been a blessing beyond measure.

Then, about two months ago, something huge and terrifying and life-altering occurred. I had been thinking about mission work in Nepal earlier in the summer, and it had slipped from my mind for a while. For my birthday, one of my very close friends gave me a present that, little did she know, would be my word from God. I was given a notebook that was made in Nepal--and as crazy as this is going to sound-- as soon as it touched my hands, my heart raced. My hands tingled. I got this feeling.
Feeling the Spirit moving in me, I went home and did some research. What I found simply blew my mind: there was a trip to Nepal through the same organization I had been wanting to do mission work for for years now... and it took place the exact same dates for the internship I had been planning to do in New York...and I would be able to minister through art and creativity... and I would be working with women in beauty salons (two things I am incredibly passionate about). "Surely," I prayed, "God couldn't be calling me to spend two whole months in a nation halfway across the earth for my first mission trip." But the feeling wouldn't relent. As quickly as I wanted to say "THIS IS IT! I MUST APPLY NOW", I thought I couldn't do something so impulsive without some sort of confirmation.

I buried myself in Scripture every day for over a month. I prayed relentlessly over this call that weighed heavier on me every day. About two weeks later, my mom informed me that we would no longer be going on vacation at the beginning of June, and though I was first upset, that ended up being my first confirmation, as the dates of our family vacation were going to conflict with the dates of the Nepal trip. I kept praying. I kept reading.

I came across Luke 9:62 where Jesus says, "Anyone who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is not fit to serve the Kingdom." Confirmation number two. How could I have heard something so clearly from God and turn my back on it? How could all of these things be a coincidence?

About a week later, I wrecked my car. $500 of my savings was drained. Sitting at the repair shop, all I could think was, "You're not going to Nepal. There's simply no way now that you've let this happen." But I went home, and I settled in prayer. And, as clear as ever, the Lord said, "Apply. Trust me."
So I did. After losing nearly half my savings account, I applied for a $5,000 two month mission trip, surrendering and trusting with all I knew how to.

A few days later, confirmation number three occurred. Months before, I had volunteered to do some artwork for a close friend of mine, and for no reason at all, she paid me for it. I refused to accept it, but she refused to take no for an answer. In that moment, God moved in my heart to say, "You trust, I provide." What a blessing my friend was on that day.

Two weeks later, after numerous back and forth arguments with myself of "I can't do this" and "I can't ignore such a clear calling," I received  a most obvious confirmation: I was accepted! And I had two weeks to put down my $100 deposit. This was pressure. This was urgency.
As crazy as the next two weeks were, you all would get bored reading every detail, but I can tell you that nearly once a day I encountered something that had "confirmation" written all over it. From my boss telling me a story about living for God in the here and now, to encouragement from nearly every person I talked to about the trip, every arrow pointed to GO.

Telling my mom was nerve-racking. She's my best friend. She's the one person I so desperately seek support from, and I expected her timidity. I knew she couldn't be excited by any means because of the risk that this trip would be and the circumstances surrounding our family. But this was the one time that, though she wasn't necessarily happy about me going, I knew I had to lean on what I heard from my Creator. I had to look to Him for support and provision. This was, and still is, the most difficult part of pursuing this trip: being torn between honoring my mother's wishes and following a calling that was simply too loud to be ignored.
So I made my deposit. Every day, it is the prayer, "Lord, I don't know how You will make this happen, but I trust that you will." I came to the realization that I can pray for the ability to make the money and I can pray for the wisdom to touch the people of Nepal, but it is ultimately my God who does these things. He has put me in these circumstances that make this trip seem virtually impossible so that when my feet hit the ground in Nepal, I will have no choice to say, "God and God alone got me here. All the glory and praise goes to Him."

One of my best friends gave me an insight that she had from Scripture that gave me such encouragement. In the book of Matthew, James and John dropped EVERYTHING to follow Jesus with only the words, "Come, follow me, and I will make you fishers of men." Eleven words. Eleven words was all they needed to drop everything they had and everything they knew to follow their Savior. So why was it taking me any more than the initial call and numerous confirmations afterward to drop it all and simply follow? It was time for me to stop looking for the big neon sign and stop searching for yet another assurance because, as my friend put it, "Every search for confirmation is another opportunity for God to say yes, but it is also another opportunity for the enemy to tell you no." And that was my tipping point. I decided that I have to stop doubting and searching and simply follow.

So here I am! I am currently 1.96% funded, I am currently following God into complete darkness, and I am currently praying for a financial and spiritual miracle. I don't necessarily feel ready for two months in Nepal, and I don't necessarily feel qualified to minister to anyone, but I remember every day that God does not call the qualified. He qualifies the called.
If you made it through this whole post, you rock; but laying out this timeline was necessary to see every detail of God moving so pertinently in my heart. I am so excited to spread the Good News to a nation that is earthquake shaken and targeted by human trafficking and so desperate for the love of our Creator. Nepal is only about 10% Christian, but the church is on the rise there. And with so many ears who have not heard the name of Jesus, I can't wait to be a vessel for God to mend hearts before my very eyes.

If any of you feel moved to support me in this venture, financially and/or prayerfully, I'm providing the link below where you can make donations to my fund. I keep telling myself that if 50 people donate $100 I will be fully funded! But any amount that the Lord may put on your heart to give is an absolute blessing.

CLICK HERE TO DONATE


Much love to all, I will be posting more often to update you guys on how God moves in this!

xo Savannah

callings and the darkroom

My last blog post was written nearly eleven months ago, and I want to be completely raw with you all here. In those eleven months, I have gone from thinking I had a grasp on God and his plan and his grace, to nearly losing faith completely, falling out of church, and downward spiraling into the hole of thinking I'm not good enough and am selfish and am worth nothing more than the things I can do for MYSELF and MY life.
Last weekend I attended Motion Student Conference. It's an event orchestrated by Church of the Highlands, and this time last year, had I been invited to Motion, I probably would have turned down that invitation. I despised the idea of a mega church. I was nervous about the thought of thousands of people worshiping God together, and now I'm realizing that maybe it's because I thought in the back of my mind that if something gets that big and makes that much of an impact, are these people really even experiencing anything? Or are they just overwhelmed by the music and the noise and mistake it for the presence of God?
But I was the one mistaken. I thought I had it all figured out, that God's plan for me was to surely make a success of me, to give me everything I ever dreamed of just because I said, "Sure, God, I'll trust you." I had no idea of what it meant to blindly and completely walk in faith with Jesus. And I had no idea that God has a calling for each of us. But hear me out everyone: We are not designed to create our own personal successes and glorify our own personal lives. We are created, fearfully and wonderfully, to listen to our calling that is ALWAYS given to glorify God and impact his people.
Over the course of the weekend, the theme for everyone seemed to be realizing that calling. I watched thousands of students and a number of my close friends realize their calling to missions or ministry, and I thought, "What about me, God? Why don't I feel called to this?" I grew angry at myself because I thought that my selfish ambition and "shallow" passions were preventing me from seeing my true calling. Little did I know, my community group of nine completely different college students, the sermons from Christine Caine and Mark Pettus, and my devotion the following Sunday morning would flip my world upside down.
I had been thinking a lot about ministry. I love to speak to people. I love for people to hear what I have to say and to hear an "amen" every once in a while, but when I think about my talents and my dreams and my passions, I realize that they all seem to have a common theme: cultures that are most seldom reached out to.
The wealthy. Who thinks to reach out to and minister to the rich? To answer your question, not very many people. We so sorrily mistake the outer image of worldly success, wealth and influence for happiness and inner contentment, but when you look at the news and at the upper echelon of society, all you see is brokenness. Suicide, corruption, overdoses. So many of these people are absolutely lost because, according to our world, they have it all, but they still feel empty.
Those of different beliefs. Who actually has the boldness to try to tell a Hindu immigrant in Queens, New York that they believe the wrong thing? A question that has always crossed my mind is, "What happens to the people who devote themselves entirely to a different God and live good lives and are so diligent in their religious duties but never hear of Jesus? Who am I to tell them they're wrong?"
I've known I want to live in New York nearly my entire life. I went through phases of wanting to be a writer in New York, a journalist in New York, an artist in New York and now a fashion designer in New York. All different paths with the same geographic endpoint. This weekend I realized that New York is my mission field. With a career in the fashion industry, a culture so consumed by negativity and the materialistic world, I am able to reach so many people in the upper class. I am able to influence the influential. And to realize that my passions, my dreams and my desires are not in vain seems to be a miracle as big as the resurrection of Jesus Himself!
Hear me out. Our talents are not our own. Our days are not our own. Our successes are not our own. We are not our own, and OUR TALENTS ARE NOT IN VAIN.
The abilities God blesses each of us with are to do nothing more than better his kingdom. And for light to have finally shone on the thing I have been most searching for, a way to glorify God through a career in design, leaves me speechless.
The day after Motion, I was up at 5 am reading my daily devotion. And what do I know, the August 2nd devotion was centered on the creative people of the world. In the book of Exodus, God appoints numerous people to create for him. He blesses them specifically with knowledge, wisdom, creativity and artistic ability to create for his glory. Proverbs 31 speaks of a woman who selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. I realized that morning that my earlier selfish ambition led me to my mission field. The process of being future-obsessed, career-focused, and in love with the idea of the people of upper class New York glorifying me led me to my calling to make New York City my mission field.
A woman named Christine Caine spoke at the conference for one of the sessions, and I wish I could just write down the quotes of absolute wisdom that this woman embedded into the minds of eleven thousand students. She spoke of staying in the darkroom, letting God develop our hearts and transform us before we can be appointed for what he has already anointed us for. This weekend I witnessed THOUSANDS of young people write down their calling and vow to stand on it. I watched eleven thousand young people lift their hands in worship. I danced with eleven thousand young people to the joy and peace given by the love of Jesus.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE. The Wednesday after Motion, Sarah and I attended the First Wednesday service at Church of the Highlands, and the speaker, John Maxwell, blew my mind once again. When he first started speaking, I sank into my chair, thinking, "Great, this guy's voice irritates me and I really don't want to listen to it for the next hour." But John, I came to learn, is an incredibly successful business man and leader in the secular world, and his entire message was centered around being intentional with our faith. He told his story of being a pastor for 25 years and realizing one day that he is called to reach the people who don't turn to church in the hard times because those who really need God don't seek God. He was called to minister to the secular business world, to people who run from God instead of to Him. About halfway through the sermon, Sarah leaned over and said, "You know this guy is basically speaking over your entire life, right?" And I was enthralled. I have no doubt in my mind that God had brought me to Highlands that night to reaffirm the calling on my heart that says I don't have to be a pastor or a missionary to minister to God's people. It was mind-blowing. John Maxwell is a highly admired business leader who people constantly seek the advice of, and he interests them to the point that they are begging to hear where he gets his secrets to success: the Bible and the love of Jesus. And who's to say that I can't do that in the fashion world?
There is more to this life than selfish ambition. There is more to this life than your career and glorifying your own successes. There is a peace that settles in us when we realize that "God has plucked us out of eternity, positioned us in time, and given us gifts and talents to serve him in this generation" (one of the many beautiful quotes by Christine). An arena full of thousands worshiping our Savior looked like the exact opposite of what I initially thought it would: it looked like a generation approaching a revival that can turn this world around for good. We are out to change things. We are out to love and to speak life into people everywhere from the poorest villages to the richest social classes. We have to realize that our callings take time, and that God must forge His heart in us so that we may be able to carry out our full potential in Him, but oh how wonderful we can be if we just stay in the darkroom for a little while.