My NAM Story (forewarning: embarrassing old pictures and lots of emotion)

As a sort of spin-off from my previous Miss America post and the fact that our newly crowned queen is a former National American Miss titleholder, I would like to tell my person NAM story.
I began as an anxious seven year old in 2004. Mom and I essentially had no idea what we were walking into, but after placing in top ten my first year and being in absolute awe of the state and national queens I met, I was hooked.
The next few years, I would repeatedly do my personal introduction as a daily ritual and practice like a good little pageant girl. I moved up to fourth runner up the next year and first runner up the next. Once I moved into the Preteen division as a ten year old, I made top ten as one of the youngest in my division (with my precious blonde boyfriend of the time in the audience--I felt like hot stuff, let me tell you).
                                 

NAM AL 2007 state pageant: the annual formal pose

In 2008, I remember working harder than ever before. I focused on interview more than ever and always strived to make the judges laugh. My dress was from a local consignment shop by my house, and it was the first time I'd ever worn white. Here began my addiction to white dresses: 2008 was my first year to capture a state title, and my crowning moment was the definition of the "ugly cry" face.
                                         

Okay... yeah... we've come a long way since '08...

       As we trekked off to Hollywood for the national pageant, I never knew that I would meet two girls I would call my best friends for years afterward. Of course, being from Alabama, my next door state neighbor of Georgia became my southern accomplice. Victoria and I have befriended each other's friends at home and have remained close for nearly six years along with our cross-country San Diego beauty queen Tierra. As the South California representative, Tierra won the national title of National American Miss Preteen after placing first runner up twice before.

Friends who do pageants together (and are weird together)...

stay together.

These two girls are prime examples of the beauty of pageant friendship. No matter how far they lived, we made Christmas visits whenever possible and are still so close to this day (Tierra and I actually planned to be college roommates if I had gone to NYU, and she is currently taking on New York City as an aspiring, and sure to be successful, journalist).
                                 

NAM AL 2010 state pageant: oh, those lovely opening numbers poses!

     After crowning my successor in 2009, I was back to competing for my state title. I had always wondered why girls who won their state title once would come back again, and some may think it's another attempt to win the national title. That is, of course, very true. A NAM national title is a dream of most girls', but it goes so much farther than that. I kept on because the experience is intoxicating. Being on stage is one of the most indescribable feelings, and I can only begin to describe all that I've learned in the past ten years.
     The next three years, I competed for my state title in the Jr. Teen division, placing in top ten, second runner up, and then fourth runner up. As discouraging as it was to place lower that final year, I did not consider "retiring" because of that discouragement. I was approaching college preparation years and felt that I needed to focus my full attention on my future. And then, after considering myself "retired from pageantry" during that next year, the craziest thing that has ever happened to me occurred at the 2014 state pageant.
     I originally went to help some younger girls who my mom and I had prepared (you would not believe how many girls we have gotten into NAM--we are walking billboards for the organization). The first night we arrived, mom leaned over to me and said, "So... why don't you just compete?" And so, long story short, we entered the next morning and had a friend bring down an old gown, interview dress and shoes, and I was all of a sudden out of retirement and back at it again! I wrote my introduction the night before, went over my walk that was basically muscle memory from so many times before, and on June 9, 2014, I was crowned the National American Miss Alabama Teen 2014.

                                       
    I often wish I could relive that crowning moment on stage because the shock made it all such a blur. I have never felt so confident that God put me here with such strange circumstances I was crowned in. For nine years, I had worked for months in advance for that one summer weekend, and then I won with no stressful preparation and simply having fun and being myself .
    Then, a few weeks later, I received a selfie from Victoria with her new Georgia Teen crown and sash! Victoria and I are now preparing to embark on NAM Nationals take two and cannot wait to reunite with the other third of our friendship when Tierra flies from New York to the national pageant as well. This, my friends, is what fate looks like.
                                                      
    I suppose I could say that a lot happened in my time of retirement in terms of self-discovery, but I know for a fact that National American Miss shaped me into the young woman I am today. I have learned the communication skills that undoubtedly gave me success in my Montevallo interview and now has me a free college education. I am in love with public speaking and take every chance I have to tell others my story and encourage them to take part in the amazing pageant system that changed my life for the better. Most importantly, I believe, National American Miss taught me to love myself. Promoting that All-American girl ideal of a young woman who is true to herself and devoted to changing lives is what set the passion in my heart on fire for this organization.
    Through high school I struggled for years with negative body-image and constantly comparing myself to others, but I now know that being an inspirational person does not require you to be a size two. Serving others does not require you to look like that ideal "pageant girl."
     I have never felt more prepared for a pageant than I am for nationals this Thanksgiving, and that is not just because I have been practicing for months already. It's because I love who I am, and I am proud to promote myself to anyone who will listen because I know my passions and I am dedicated to showing girls that self-love is the best love one can possess. With my platform with the American Heart Association, I have adopted the ideas of living a heart-healthy lifestyle and being good to the body you are blessed with, and that a healthy lifestyle is what leads to a positive body-image.
                               

Sept. 2014 Promoting heart-healthy lifestyle and positive 

body-image with the American Heart Association

Dropping my Nick Saban portrait at Alabama's athletic facility for a signature;

I'll be auctioning it off soon for AHA!

    I may be a size 8, but I am a proud size 8. And through the past ten years of everlasting friendship, lifelong communication skills, and reassuring self-confidence, I am so honored to be able to represent a system that made me who I am today.

NAM: changing lives and creating miss americas

To the number of people who are talking down on the newly crowned Miss America, Kira Kazantsev, for her talent with the "cup song," I just want to talk about a few points of pageantry.
I, too, was rather shocked at a Miss America contestant performing a talent that incorporated such a silly move from the much-loved film Pitch Perfect. Being from Alabama, I was pulling for Caitlin Brunell, but I soon heard that New York and Virginia, the top two contestants, were formerly a part of the National American Miss system that I am so proud to be a part of now. It is indescribably inspirational to see women exceed in the world's most prestigious pageant system after growing in the system I call home today.
For those of you thinking negatively of Kira for her quirky choice of talent, remember what pageantry is about. Remember how beautiful her voice was despite her modernized addition. The talent portion of competition is only 20% of each contestant's overall score, and the girl has a phenomenal voice. That is a talent just as any other.
But more than that, I saw the speaking skill and brains in Kira in her onstage question. Even after competing in pageants for over fourteen years now, I sat and thought, I would have had no idea how to answer a question about how women in the Senate should stand tall over men and make changes that matter to women. And her answer blew me away! She not only had an educated and sincere answer, but she spoke with poise and calmness even in knowing that she only had twenty seconds to give the perfect answer.
A pageant interview is what takes the crown, and seeing only a fraction of her brains and communication skills, I can only imagine how quickly she captured the judges' hearts in a ten-minute interview. I know first hand of the pressure in an interview room and knowing in the back of your mind that you have this small time slot to convince a few strangers that you are the best potential titleholder. You have to be smart and quick-witted and elegant in your speech, and that is what pageantry is all about to me. It is being a woman who can speak and connect with people on a level that allows them to see her greatness, even if there are only a couple of minutes to do so.
National American Miss, I have no doubt, grew Kira into a woman perfectly suitable to represent our country with the Miss America crown, because I know what I have learned from it on my own terms. NAM girls are world-chagners who inspire people every single day. They are the all-American girls who are unique and special, and they are dedicated to serving the world and its people. I am honored to be a part of such an organization, and Kira has only created more motivation and given stronger inspiration to NAM girls and other young women to go out and chase their dreams.

the arrogantly educated atheist

Most, if not all, of my posts about my college experience so far have been nothing but positive, and it is my sincere desire to keep it that way. As I further my experience as a writer, however, there are certain bothers that I experience and feel compelled to share with the world. Because, obviously, writers expect the entirely of the world to care what they have to rant about.
As I wrote in my former post, college has distilled in me an intense enthusiasm for learning. I could complain about my hours of homework and how I would rather watch Netflix in my pajamas than read a four hundred page poem in which I "don't really have to know what is going on, but should simply absorb the beauty of the language" (those liberal arts writing electives are pretty deep, eh?). But I am truly enjoying myself. And I actually use more of my current leisure time to read books of my own choosing than ever before.
This week I experienced something new that has really pulled at me on the inside. It's something I should have expected at a liberal arts school, and likely something I should overlook in the matter of being a good student and learning what I am taught on my own terms.
Religion is not taught as a belief system, but as a historical story nothing unlike war and socialization. A culture's worshiping of God is portrayed as a simple-minded thought in humanity, and not as what has created history in and of itself. Maybe it's just me and the fact that when I am taught about faith, I am taught in a church and learn the stories and beliefs that, in my mind, are true and worthy of living by. Religion to me is not a minute aspect of life, and as it has been for any religious peoples of the earth, it is something that consumes one's lifestyle because that is what we live for and is the reason we are here in the first place.
I am looked down upon by many for being a Christian and expressing my Christian views in the things I'm learning. It seems like to not believe is considered more educated because you have figured out how the universe and life was created scientifically, and that it is silly and childish to think that any majestic phenomenon of this "higher power" could have actually happened. As Christians, we indirectly incorporate Godly beliefs into everyday knowledge just as an atheist would incorporate his "realistic and practical" views into everything he experiences. But how is it fair that believing in Christ and a heavenly afterlife makes me less educated than you? How is it deemed respectable for you to think I'm ignorant just because you can study religion in a completely objectified manner and I cannot because I believe in a specific one? The Bible is history, and so is the Torah and philosophical books of nearly every other belief system.
We are looked down upon for believing in what they see as a magical supreme being, but how are they to know that it is anything short of real?

on learning and absorbing and scholarly mindsets

Yes, I know I'm a freshman.  Yes, I know, not only am I a freshman, I am only a two-week-old freshman. And yes, I know I'm still absolutely ignorant about most things college-related.
But if there is one thing I have realized in the past two weeks here at the University of Montevallo, it is that learning is one of the most fantastic experiences I have ever come across. College, to me, is not simply a place to earn a sheet of paper that will give me a one-up on someone applying for a job with only a high school diploma. It is not a place to meet my future husband (even if it happens coincidentally) and get my MRS degree (which will not happen under any circumstances).
College is a place of exposure. It is a campus of not only beautifully sculpted buildings, but of professors who are experts of their practice and want to extend their knowledge and experiences to us students. My history teacher, Dr. Barone, talks a lot about becoming a scholar. He tells about the process of reading book after book and listening to lecture after lecture and putting together information in one's mind on its own terms to connect all of the information.
I can't even describe the excitement of having that sense of enlightenment when you know exactly what a professor is talking about and you can raise your hand in mention of something you read earlier that connects in some odd way to the current subject. Don't get me wrong, raising my hand for the first time made me feel more than simply exposed. My voice faltered a few times in my fifty-person sociology class while mentioning a reading about education reform. But the praise I received from my professor made up for any naked feeling I previously experienced (not to mention it was the professor I was a little terrified of on the first day).
My mind wandered a bit today in Dr. Barone's History of World Civilizations class, and I started thinking about my future education. What am I going to major in? Am I going to continue onto graduate school after my four years at Montevallo? And if I do, where will I go? Will I go to a fashion school to study what will pertain to my future career? Or will I learn to love this core education program and idea of becoming a scholar so much that I apply to an Ivy League grad school and continue what I'm enjoying so much at this moment? Will I actually fulfill my high school dream of Columbia University and study philosophy or journalism or media or public relations?

I have had this plan for the past couple of years to finish my undergrad and immediately land a job at a top fashion publication to begin working my way up to editor. I imagined myself delving into the fashion and journalism courses and getting the core studies out of the way as soon as I could to begin learning about what I will do for the rest of my life. I suppose that was before I realized my love for learning. I can't express to you guys how refreshing it is to know that I have all the time in the world to learn more and more and never stop learning! To know that I can take any path in life that I desire and make success out of it because I am dedicated and enthusiastic and passionate about living. If I can inspire any of you young people to realize anything in your coming years, I can only hope that it will be to dedicate yourself to learning in college. I know how insignificant it seems to learn the material in high school that you will forget the week after the test, but the things you learn in college, the brilliance of the professors, the lessons they teach you through their material, allow it to sink into your mind and resonate. Learn from the mistakes and successes that are pictured in history. People watch and use the theories you are taught in sociology to figure different humans out. Apply the environmental conservation ideas to your personal life and then travel the entire world to experience lives different from your own. Take the weird elective class that may not apply to your major but seems deeply fascinating because that is the class that will change your life. Take hard classes. Challenge your minds, I beg of you, because that is what will inspire you to want to change your life and other peoples' lives and the entire world and what could possibly change your entire mindset on what you want to do forever.
Please know that it is okay to not have your life figured out at 20 years old. This is not the time to have your life planned out; it is the time to absorb the knowledge that you can to make those life-altering decisions before you are forced to make them.

I tell you here and now that there is nothing more intimidating than being surrounded by a bunch of people who are ten times smarter than you. But there is nothing like the motivation to someday grow to outdo them.

interconnecting the technology geeks and the book worms: the new proactive citizen

One of my favorite aspects of college, just in my first week, has been watching everything I learn connect.

It's obviously a coincidence that the book I'm reading outside of class is correlating so well with everything my Sociology professor teaches us, but to be completely honest, it makes me feel a little brilliant.

In my first two Sociology 101 classes, I figured it would be an interesting enough class, but not anything life-changing. Our out-of-class readings, however, are pushing me to believe that, generally speaking, sociology is no subject to brush off our shoulders. We are currently talking about education reform, a subject I was not too familiar with until my acquaintance with David Brooks's The Social Animal. The novel, currently telling of the life of a young woman named Erica, goes through her brain processes as she demands acceptance into the elite Academy to save herself from her underdeveloped neighborhood, poorly run public school, and apathetic neighborhood friends. In the Academy, she learns the essential non-cognitive skills of self-discipline, self-driven determination, and self-focused ambition. The new environment of structured learning and specific rules gave her an entirely new mindset of motivational drive.
Next week's readings for Sociology ironically expanded on the points I had just read about in the novel I am so enjoying (even if it is taking me a while to finish--I'm a busy kid these days). The first excerpt on the importance of non-cognitive skills (notice I used that term a moment ago... you caught me, I didn't even know what it meant until today), explained how essential dependability, persistence, and perseverance (aforementioned "non-cognitive skills") are in a child's potential success. The studies showed that the kid with a high IQ and low self-discipline had no more success than the one beside him with a relatively lower IQ and strong nature of dependability and consistence.
In the next study, one I could relate to on a more personal level, I read about how STEM fields (science, technology, engineering and mathematics) intertwined with humanities and social sciences are what create the most proactive citizen in today's world. Okay, maybe that's obvious. When we look at an individual's undergraduate education, however, we see an intense concentration on the study of the student's specifically desired career field. While this may be beneficial, I don't think the world necessarily needs "science people" or "technology people" or "english people" or "history people." We need people who are incredibly well rounded-- those whom have excelled in the liberal arts education and can succeed in all aspects of our modern world. It is, of course, important to have those who will eventually make something twice as impressive as the iPhone, something I never could have even imagined as a child, and experts to uncover more of the ancient world and allow us deeper into the lives of our earliest ancestors. I don't mean to be ambiguous here, for both types of people are a necessity in the scholarly world. But it makes me think twice about my current major.
Though I'm technically considered undeclared, I plan to create my own major in the Interdisciplinary Studies program to combine a fashion, journalism, and possibly mass media major into one. These sociologists have made me reconsider. I have always said I want to go to college to further my education, and not to learn how to do my job. I suppose a degree in fashion journalism is simply the first thing I could think of in terms of a major as I hope to become the next editor of American Vogue, but now I feel like I have a lot of big decisions to make as the person I aspire to be and as a citizen of the world.
The concept of knowing one's place in society and how the surrounding world effects his life is the idea of "sociological imagination." I will not go into detail about this simply because I was incredibly bored by it; but I loved making this connection to my first Sociology reading on the sociological imagination, because I thought the idea was rather stupid upon first glance. Once I connected it to everything else I had learned and had read in The Social Animal, I got embarrassingly excited. Everything was making sense! I'm some kind of sociological genius because I actually get it! So that was my "ah-ha" moment of my first week in college.
Back to the case of education reform, we watched a video yesterday in Soc. about the faults in the modern day education. There is no blame placed on any teacher or administrator, for our methods of assessment and measured learning seem to be imbedded in the gene pool of human kind. Our minds, however, do not learn by memorizing facts out of a text book. We do not succeed father in life because of how fast we can take a standardized test. We forget ninety percent of everything we learn for a test within a week after the test is given. Humans learn the most in groups, and we absorb information that we care about and see as important in our lives. This idea led to the speaker making a (rather hasty, in my opinion) accusation that ADHD is virtually a myth that doctors shove into parents' heads to make them think their children will make better grades, therefore becoming more successful in life, if they take a daily pill. I know many people who have been diagnosed with ADHD, most of them in dire need of something to keep them calmed down in class, but if teachers could find ways to make our education system look more applicable to life in the minds of adolescents, maybe students could pay attention without a chemical in their brain sedating them into a state of having to focus.

This entire post is scientific and weird and not at all what I am usually interested in, but maybe this is all part of my process of becoming a well-rounded student. I hope so.
Moral of the story, read books and pay attention and do your homework-- you'll realize that everything makes sense once you make an effort to make sense of it.

a balancing act

I thought I'd do a little reflecting after my first day of college classes. The first time Mom wasn't taking a million pictures of me before walking into the unknown of a new year. This morning at 9:45, I trotted out, coffee and detailed planner in hand, all on my own.
I won't bore you with the details of my dry-humored history professor or the trend analysis project I can't wait to start on in Fashion Fundamentals, but I can take pride in the fact that I successfully made it through a taste of what this year will be like. And though I am a little nervous about my biggest class of nearly fifty people in Sociology tomorrow morning, I suppose that will be compensating for the Travel Writing honors course consisting of only five people. Including the professor.

As I walked down the red brick sidewalks at Montevallo this morning, and as I listened to each new nervous freshman tell about themselves during roll call, I was astounded by the diversity surrounding me. I am at one of the smallest colleges I have ever heard of in one of the smallest towns I have ever heard of, and I still get the pleasure of experiencing so many different mindsets and backgrounds from everyone I meet.
Working in the Dean's office in the College of Education, I come into contact with hundreds of aspiring teachers, the leaders of our upcoming generations and influencers of youth as we know it. It's indescribably refreshing to be surrounded by thousands of people pursuing their passions--and so so many different passions to pursue!
This vision and appreciation of diversity have led me to think about fellowship. My former post was about the importance of solitude, and as crucial as it is for us to find bliss in isolation, my mindset as taken an entire shift in the past couple of days. Solitude is our way to draw into ourselves and connect everything back to God, relaxing our state of mind, but fellowship is something that excites every aspect of ourselves. Interrelationships create unbreakable bonds in our brains, and delve deeper into our souls and emotions than any experience on earth. Though we find an ever-important rest in solitude, fellowship is what makes life worth living. And I think that's why falling in love seems to be such a terrifying and warming and heart wrenching experience--it is like the ecstasy of synaptic junction connections. It sets off fireworks behind our eyes and electrifies the nerves in our fingertips; it makes a beating drum out of our hearts and intrudes the unconscious state causing us to dream about it, preventing us from its escape with no exceptions.
We have all heard that the Bible, the Word of God, the entire being of Jesus Christ, and God Himself, are all made of love. We know that faith, hope and love remain, but the greatest of these is love. I will not go back on what I said about the benefits and salvation in alone-time, but there is something far bigger found in the state of sharing life with other souls.
Solitude is important, but the Bible is built on love, and love is built on fellowship.
It's just a balancing act.


"Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens the other."

Proverbs 27:17

solitude, synaptic junctions, and repair days

What is it about birthdays that makes them less and less enchanting as you get older?
On my part, I'm guessing it's the realization that growing older is no longer something to rush.
I promise not to make this a huge midnight ordeal about appreciating one's childhood and wishing I could be a kid again. I'm only being reminiscent and nostalgic on my third day at college and first day in official adulthood.

I've been thinking a lot about solitude. Independence is a virtue of mine that I have learned to love and appreciate, but on only my second day away from home in a new environment, I was anxious about making friends. I have always been told that you meet some of your best friends in college, so of course when I had not met my new best friend yet, I felt I was doing something wrong.
In this frazzled mental state yesterday morning, I turned to Scripture-- something I had not done in a while in times of worry.
I read small excerpts of Jesus isolating himself from others to draw close to God, of the importance in being by yourself regularly, and of being comfortable with solitude. And I was automatically put at peace. I see in so many a discomfort in being alone, but it is a state to cherish and use to allow ourselves to grow in the Presence of God.
Throughout high school, I consistently had what I called "repair days." These were days for me to be nice to myself-- take a long shower, do my nails, leave my hair damp and face bare. They were my days to catch back up in life physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and a block of life that I used to separate myself from the world. And there was no greater feeling than the renewed energy and mindset after a repair day.
Solitude is nothing to be afraid of; it is our way of connecting back with the unworldly world through a quiet mind, and a chance to wire it all back to God. As we each grow older, we need periods of isolation more and more. Our minds grow more cluttered with the tasks and struggles of everyday lives, and are often clouded by utter nonsense that we only think is important to worry about. Scientifically, as a human gains more worldly experience and sees more and learns more and builds more synaptic connections in the brain, our brains are wound more tightly. In a visual picture, we cram more and more files into a file cabinet that isn't physically going to get any bigger. I like to make sense of how crammed our minds get by the fact that our neurons and synaptic junctions grow exponentially every moment, and as our brains do not simply grow in its physical state to fit more information, everything just gets crammed into each brain tighter and tighter.
And this is a great thing! The tighter the brain cells, the more we have experienced and the more we know. To draw another mental picture, however, I believe solitude allows those brain connections to relax for a while. It gives our minds the chance to wander freely rather than constantly figure out the next problem.
So be by yourself. Take a hike alone. Take yourself to dinner. Have a repair day. It's good for the soul, and God likes it too, I think.
I do apologize if I rambled any on this one. It's approaching one a.m. and I'm not the regular night owl. But I have a feeling college is going to make me one.

"Solitude is the creation of an open, empty space in our lives by purposely abstaining from interaction with other human beings, so that, freed from competing loyalties, we can be found by God."

happy college, ladies and gents

Today was a day of many things.
Today was a day that I burned more calories carrying boxes up to my room on the third floor of Main than I have during any workout. Today was a day that I met three incredibly brilliant professors who will undoubtedly become a few of my closest mentors. Today was a day that I conquered my fear of asking questions in a group setting and learned how much reassurance one can gain from that. Today was a day that we (pretty successfully, if you ask me) decorated the first place I can call my own. And today was the day that I looked around my room in Alabaster and realized how empty it was, but didn't allow it to hit me that I would, in fact, be sleeping in a new place that has now taken the title of My Room.
I have only been to a five hour orientation so far and have learned more about college than I could have imagined. And it's mostly the little things.
That college is about pursuing your passions.
That it is okay, and also encouraged, to major in your passion and minor in the sensible.
To major in what gives you life and minor in what gives you a living.
That everyone wants to be connected with, and when you share your own story you are prompting them to share theirs.
That not everyone has everything figured out, and that is okay.
That I may have everything figured out, but it all could change over these coming years, and that is okay, too.
That professors curse in front of new students and laugh at their gasping reactions.
And that college is about learning independence and furthering your mind and challenging yourself, but also about having fun and meeting some of the greatest people you will ever encounter and allowing yourself the experiences that you will want to be able to tell your grandkids about.

I have realized these past couple of months that I often take myself and life too seriously. I never thought I would have to be reminded to make sure I have fun in college, too. But when you have a goal set for yourself, a plan to accomplish that goal, and are determined to not let anything in the way of that goal, it's easy to get caught up in yourself. Independence is something I have always considered a strength that a large number of women struggle with, and a trait of myself that I take sincere pride in. But the glory of independence stops at the line where you forget to let yourself go for a while. Who ever thought I would have to remind myself not to be "too independent?"
This time last year, I was ready to get out of the house to be in a world where I was my own authority. Tonight, however, I am excited to be out of my usual environment for completely different reasons that I am guessing come with maturity and growth and changing mindset. This is a freeing feeling to have a little room of guaranteed peaceful serenity, and the setting in which I can finally chase my dreams. For real this time.
College is going to be scary and it will be grand and it will probably be a lot of other adjectives that I haven't even yet experienced. But I can't wait to tell you guys about it.

a christian AND scientific crossroad: who knew there was such a thing?

Today I started a book called The Social Animal, and it seemed interesting enough. I'm not one to read a lot of science-based literature because, as I have mentioned before, I am not a science person. David Brooks, however, describes a prosperous couple who are perfectly normal and fit perfectly into the category of perfectly average human beings. This couple achieves success and happiness in life, and the author sets out to show us how and why their brains worked to lead them to success.
In the preface to this story, I learned the differences between our unconscious and conscious minds, and this was scientific information that I am pleased to say pointed directly to God (an assurance I also saw in God's Not Dead).
The way Brooks, as well as many of the scientists and philosophers which he quoted, described it is that our conscious mind is what drives our desires and greeds. It is what emphasizes the need for reason and analysis, fortune and status. The unconscious mind, on the other hand, is what holds our passions and desire for a connection with others.
Humans have the ability to take in roughly 11 million pieces of information every moment, and we are only able to process about 40 of them. We can almost assume that the conscious mind we listen to every day is virtually nonexistent, for our unconscious mind does all the work. And we don't even hear it most of the time.
Brooks describes our unconscious as the part of us that takes over when we lose all self-consciousness as we "get lost in a challenge, a cause, the love of another or the love of God" (see! He even mentions the existence of the Supreme Being!).
What I see in this scientific observation of our minds as a true connection to the Bible in particular is how focused the unconscious is on fellowship. Brooks tells us that as scientists have looked deeper into the unconscious mind, the separations between individual people get fuzzier and fuzzier. As we make connections with more people and become closer to particular ones, we inadvertently allow parts of them to become parts of us. In conclusion he says, "We become who we are in conjunction with other people becoming who they are."
The Bible tells us that faith, hope and love remain, but the greatest of these is love (1 Corinthians 13:13). No scientist I have heard of would ever directly tell us that because our unconscious minds are so interdependent on a connection with other humans, that must be what the Bible means in a love created by the Christian God. They won't admit it because who on earth would believe anything based on ancient Scripture over scientific experiment or readings? But here, there is both. Brooks, as well as a number of other scientists who study human behavior, believe that our unconscious mind is "where spiritual states arise and dance from soul to soul." And that, "if there is a divine creativity, surely it is active in this inner soul sphere, where brain matter produces emotion, where love rewires the neurons."
Those who have worked their way to success and fortune through the use of analytic and reason-based living will beg to differ, but our unconscious mind is the greatest gift we have each been given. It is what allows for the creativity that pushes the worlds forward every day; it is what connects us to other human beings and allows us to fall deeply in love. It is, I now believe, the strongest way we have to connect to God as we know it.

Here's a few pictures from Mom's photo shoot she had of me yesterday afternoon in front of the president's mansion at U of Montevallo. She's a pretty talented lady, huh? :)

god's not dead, he's surely alive

I don't mean to get too preachy on you guys tonight, but I couldn't help myself on this one.
Tonight, Mom and I watched God's Not Dead for the second night in a row. Yes, I know I'm a little late on all of the excitement, but I'm hoping I can portray how inspired I am by this film without sounding like one of the many Facebook statuses posted the week of its opening.
To share all of the parts that stood out to me would make for a post too long for anyone to want to read, but there were three scenes that distinctly spoke to me.
First, in the final lecture Josh gave to defend God, he spoke of Darwinism and evolution, and transitioned into morality. I am not by any means a scientist, or even remotely good at science (i.e. why I am a writer and not a chemist), but Josh's take on Darwin's theory struck me as more sensible than anything I ever learned in biology. And I was even more amazed when he finally connected all of science to point to God and say, as one conclusion, "If God didn't exist, then everything is permissible." If there was no God, if the universe created itself because, as the brilliant Hawking apparently said, it needed to create itself, then we have no basis whatsoever for right and wrong. As Christians, we have the conscience in the back of our mind telling us not to murder, steal, lie, etc., and those laws have adapted into the rules of society as well. And so we must ask ourselves as humans, Who do we follow these rules for, if not to ensure a heavenly eternity?
Second, as the rich business man speaks to his ill-fallen mother, he asks her why his life is perfect while he is the meanest person he knows? And why she has ended up with dementia as the most kindhearted woman he knows? Her answer: "Sometimes the devil allows us to live a life without trouble because he doesn't want us turning to God." I suppose this statement left me a bit speechless simply because a reasoning like that reassures so many of the doubts I once had as a young believer. In my early years of high school, as I worked to become closer to God, I had so many questions that I thought were unanswerable for a human. Why does evil exist? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do good things happen to bad people? But when one takes into account the beauty of free will and an eternity free of evil, we come face to face with none other than a merciful and graceful God who gives us the greatest joy in a life on earth: choice.

Finally, I reminisce on the pastor first speaking to Josh in the chapel about his decision to defend God. The pastor tells him that these eighty-or-so kids in his class likely have never walked into a church, nor do they have an intention to, don't know the love of Jesus, and are now being told, Don't worry about it, faith is all a lie anyways. 
Let us keep this in mind each day as we go through life. When we come to a point where God has given us a chance to stand up for Him, take the chance. Whether it be costing you a cool kid reputation, a friendship, or even a grade in a class, I assure you God will stand tall for you as you stand tall for Him. Let us think of Josh and the difference he made in nearly one hundred kids' lives by defending his Savior from a Christian-turned-Athiest professor who was only hating out of hurt.

Whosoever acknowledges me before others, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven. But Whoever disowns me before others, I will also disown before my Father in heaven. 

Matthew 10:32-33

a book of life and times of distance

One of the best decisions I made at the closing year(s) of high school was to keep a notebook of thoughts, letters and devotions for my mom. This was something I started in the spring of my junior year on the night my grandmother was hospitalized. We were told around midnight that she would likely be passing soon, and it was incredibly devastating for my family because of how tightly knit we all are. Spending the night at Trinity hospital, I sat in the waiting room floor with my Bible and the notebook my grandmother had given me, doing devotion after devotion about hope and having peace and trusting God and nearly anything else you can think of.
She stayed with us until April when she passed away on her 70th birthday, and I decided then that I would use that notebook as a graduation gift to my mom the following May, filling it with my senior year.
At first I would only write my devotions and little side notes in the margins, but eventually it became something I used to write my mom letters and tell her about what was going on in our lives at that time. I wrote to her when I was stressing about school or college, if I was upset about bumpy friendships or pesky boy problems, if something great happened,  and even apologized to her if we were arguing at that time. And finally, as graduation was just around the corner, I thanked her for everything she had done the past nearly eighteen years and tried to put into words how appreciative I am.
The book was not finished on graduation day, so I gave it to her for her birthday on June 2nd. Yes, she cried.
As she read page after page at night before bed, she told me she would cry and laugh and shake her head at our arguments, struggles and exciting events we had experienced that year. She would often call me upstairs and we would read parts together. Once she had finished it, she told me it was my turn to read it over.
On a humid July afternoon, I sat in our hammock for hours reading and reliving everything I wrote about. What I found most interesting as I went through the book (which is also my point in this post) was how often I wrote about feeling distant from God. A friend once told me junior year, the time I grew strongest in my spirituality, that feeling a distance from Him is inevitable-- that it is difficult and frustrating and creates an unbearable feeling of loneliness-- but will eventually make you stronger. At the time I was so on fire for Christianity and devoted to church and reading my daily Scripture, that I thought it could never happen to me. I thought, There's no way I could ever feel far from God; He's here all the time and I can feel His Presence every day. 
I tell you here and now that it's not true. Distance is inevitable. It's something we must personally struggle through to find ourselves, and God, again.
Now, however, as I prepare to embark on the biggest journey of life so far, I feel stronger than ever. I do not fear and I do not stress, and I am more at peace with myself and everything around me as ever before.
I suppose my point here is to encourage those of you who are in a time of distance, a time of closeness, or even are at a time of neutrality that doesn't include God at all. Be patient. Pray as much as you can, even when you think nobody is listening. And whatever you do, don't give up. Closeness is never far off, you just have to look harder for it sometimes.

I had originally planned to only post some of the pictures from our little photo shoot yesterday, but how to even appreciate them without reminiscing on the past six years with my best friend?
Emily's friendship was a blessing in disguise to me. Meeting in sixth grade English class and eventually ending up in the same lunch class, we bonded over weird nicknames we gave one another and our love for the Jonas Brothers-- a love that eventually shifted to Justin Bieber once 8th grade rolled around. Through the silly YouTube videos, tears at the concerts we counted down the days to, letters, closet wall shrines, and fights with classmates to defend a pop singer we had never even met, I'm thankful I have her to remember it all with.
Emily and I share an unbreakable bond, and not only because of our embarrassing middle school stories. We have cried together. We have laughed together (too many times to count). We found God together. We defeated the horrors of middle and high school together. And speaking for myself, she, along with Sarah and Grace, has helped in shaping me to be the person I am today.
It scares me that we won't be a five minute drive away anymore, and that I'll likely be gone when she comes home in the summers. But ours is a friendship that picks right back up where it left off.

for those of you beginning what will be the greatest year of life so far

I'm not sure why today is so much harder for me than my own first day of senior year, or even graduation and all its festivities. Today, the class of 2015 has their last first day of school.
Maybe it's just me reliving everything that has happened in the past year (both good and bad) in my head, but quite honestly, I almost envy all of you new seniors.
And it's mostly the little things. Football games, pep rallies, football breakfasts and painting the run-through signs as a cheerleader, and the many times I wondered what it would be like to be in the crowd instead of in front of it. Staying up late to finish my AP Lit year-long paper that I was sure would be the end of me, and listening to my best friends cry over the phone about it. Taking my final calculus test. Sitting in French III for the final time with a teacher who thought it more important to teach us about the world than the information in a textbook (something I once complained about, but now am appreciating when I recognize so much in the real world that I learned in her class). Meeting a teacher who cares more about her students' sanity and well being than their grade on a paper that was giving them insomnia. And maybe even falling in love for the first time.
But then, once we experienced all of that fully, choosing our futures. College visits. Scholarship applications. Late nights of sobbing on our bedroom floors with Dad rubbing our backs because we have no idea whom or what we are supposed to be. Screaming into our Mom's chests because maybe we didn't get enough scholarship money for our dream school. This is all part of the experience, and as awful as some parts may seem at that moment, you will soon sit where I am now and look back at it with a smile. And smile especially with a thankfulness to the people who encouraged you when you thought in the back of your mind that you would rather drop out of school than deal with it any longer.
I'm still seventeen years old until August 23, so maybe I don't have the wisdom to tell you how to live this coming year, but I know how it feels for things not to go at all how I had planned. And I am completely at peace with it now. Soon, it will be August 7, 2015 and you will all be saying goodbye to some of the people who changed your life, and preparing yourself to be a real-life grown up. It's terrifying and its exciting and it overwhelms you with anxiety and childlike fear. But you're going to have "finally made it," and I promise on this day next year you will almost wish you could do it all again.
Senior year was the greatest year of my life so far, and it would be hard to say no to living it all over again if I had the chance. It is, however, your turn. So I beg you to cherish every moment and love the time with your parents and laugh in the face of difficulty and hug your friends every chance you get and take your learning seriously and don't stay so caught up on college because it will come together however it decides to. Don't think of this as your last year having to listen to your parents or your last year of doing high school busy work; this is your last year of dependency, your last year of Mom doing your laundry, your last year of irresponsibility before adulthood begins to race toward you much faster than you would like.
Don't wish it away. It won't be here very long.

Life is all a memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quickly you hardly catch it going. 

Tennessee Williams 

what to say when things don't go quite as you had planned

All things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose. 

Romans 8:28

My entire life I imagined that I would be the one having to say goodbye to everyone-- that I would be moving to New York or LA or anywhere else you could imagine thousands of miles from my lifelong home. And the way it turned out is the complete opposite: all of my friends are telling me goodbye before moving hours away, and I am a mere fifteen minutes from home. 

I occasionally have a sort of existential crisis about not getting into Columbia University and turning down my acceptance to New York University for financial purposes. Tonight, for the first time in a long while, I turned my fears and worries to Scripture. 

It's not unusual for my "recently searched" bar on google to be filled with "Scripture about ___." I have filled that blank with every word from anxiety to happiness, from anger to love. And this time it read "Scripture about things not going your way."

What I found is a sermon by Sang Kwon with one of the best takes I have ever heard on Romans 8:28.

http://www.sermoncentral.com/sermons/when-things-dont-go-your-way-sang-kwon-sermon-on-god-in-the-hardships-46589.asp

read for yourself here ^

My first take-away from this is how crucial it is for us to understand certain verses as a whole. Of course God wants to work for the good of those who love Him, but we must remember the "who have been called according to His purpose" part. I am a firm believer in finding a job and lifestyle that you are passionate about and fulfill your heart, but our purpose in life is not necessarily to be happy. I think our purpose is to make some sort of difference-- improve something in the world or change someones life, even if it is with something as small as a simple smile or hello.

I like to take this idea into account when I come upon one of these crises I tend to have. I may not be going to college in New York City, but so many things have fallen perfectly into place because of my choice to accept a full scholarship to the University of Montevallo. Not only am I already seeing endless opportunities through my job at the Dean's office, but had I chosen a different college I would never have decided to compete last minute for the title of National American Miss Alabama Teen, and that was a true work of God. I have had my title for less than two months and have already met so many amazing people and given significant words of encouragement to girls of all ages. 

God's plan may not always be for us to be happy, but will always be for the greater good. And I see that so clearly through the smiles on tiny princesses' faces with every picture and every hello. 

maybe this is my third try at a blog... and maybe this one seems more sensible.

With move-in day a mere two and a half weeks away, I am emotionally, mentally, and quite physically overwhelmed. I am a newly-crowned Miss Alabama Teen, an honor so unexpected I wasn't sure it was real at first, and am stepping into the next phase of life with more preparation on my list that I ever imagined. The national pageant is to be held in Anaheim, California on Thanksgiving week, and until then I get to experience the joy of constant rehearsing, two jobs, and studies that will likely overwhelm me as one who didn't have to study for my A's in high school.
And even after November, unless the miraculous occurs and I am blessed with the title of National American Miss Teen (in which case I would make appearances and volunteer as a national queen), my duties as a state titleholder will continue until next June when I pass the beloved crown to my successor.
Ah, another dilemma! Next summer I am hoping to land my first ever internship in none other than New York City with a top publishing company. I am dreaming of NYLON, New York Magazine, or maybe even W, but from what I have heard about the competitiveness of this industry, I don't plan to be too picky. With this experience under my belt, and more in the following summers as an undergrad, I plan to intern at the miraculous, glamorous, and oh so mysterious Conde Nast company, specifically in the office of Vogue.
Let us pray that my kindhearted boss will give me one Monday off to fly back to Montgomery, AL and have the bittersweet farewell weekend that I know will come too quickly.

Enough about the future. I am here to write about the now, and to encourage college students (and anyone else, for that matter) to take on the blessings of life as they come. I'm not sure what will come about this little technological notebook of mine, but we shall see how it goes.

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

       John 14:27