God is color, God is dancing, God is music, and God is here

We have been in Guatemala for nearly three weeks, and the concept of going back to my “normal” life in the States seems so foreign—more foreign, even, than the magnificent colors I wake up to every day, and understanding that hardly anyone around me speaks English. In September of last year, the Lord told me that my first mission trip was going to last an entire summer, and as I think about the fact that my time in Guatemala is nearly halfway lived out, I’m so thankful that I still have another month to breathe in life where I am.

            I’m not sure if it’s the peaceful beauty of my surroundings, or being in (literal) constant community with a team of girls who are set on speaking truth and encouragement, but this month has brought out of me passions and gifts and a fullness of life that I didn’t even know were there. The exquisite realness of God is everywhere and in everything. He is covering the mountains. He swirls with the sparkling sand in the lake. He inhabits our praises during worship. He is the vibrancy of my watercolors. He is in the echo of every strum of my guitar, and he pours out through every afternoon thunderstorm. And this all comes with a heaviness of heart that I’ve never experienced before now, but a heaviness which has lifted every burden off my shoulders and allowed me to dance freely and lightly on the rooftops of our home.

             Before coming to Guatemala, before sitting in homes where the floor is the dirt of the land, before washing the feet of a man who hasn’t walked in three years, I had to strain to feel the presence of Jesus. I would sit in my bedroom floor with worship music on, and I would wait for that moment where my heart would leap, and a tear would occasionally fall from experiencing maybe a fleeting second of his glory. Not so here. From the time I wake up to the time I fall asleep, there is tangible evidence of God, flashing in colors before my eyes during worship, resounding in the music of my team as we sing to the sick and the broken. He is heavy in these villages, but the yoke that he carries is so unbelievably light.

            As most of you know, my original call for the summer was to Nepal, and finding out that I was no longer able to go there shattered my heart. One of the most beautiful sights on our team is the love one woman of God can have for one specific nation. We have a member whose heart breaks for Africa, and another who sits in awe of the adoration she has for Guatemala. There are many with a moving passion for the Hispanic culture, and one whose heart and blood and toil lies in Bolivia. There are many who long for the field of those targeted by human trafficking, and nearly all of us are broken and wrecked by the idea of the refugee crisis in Greece and Syria. And as I sit in wonder at the magnificent blessing it is to spend THIS summer with THIS team in THIS country, I know that my nation is Nepal. I don’t know when the Lord will send me there, I don’t know how long it will be for, and I don’t know who I will go with, but I do know that there will be a hole in my heart until I eventually get there.

            The cool thing about Jesus, though, is that he knew that my heart wouldn’t be ready for what I am to experience there until I came to THIS nation with THESE people for THIS season. And I often laugh at myself for thinking I know better than my creator, for even fathoming the idea that I could figure this all out on my own. In only three weeks, my mindset of God has taken a complete shift that will be absolutely necessary for whatever will happen when I return home next month.

            Please continue to pray for the people of San Pedro, San Pablo, Tzununa, and the surrounding villages of Lake Atitlan. There is a darkness that has settled here through time, with false idols and demonic practices on every corner. My team has experienced this darkness in a very real way since arriving here, but we have also seen the power of prayer protect a man’s home and job from a destructive mudslide.

            Please feel free to email me with any questions you have about my team and what we are doing at savannahbuttram@icloud.com!

God is not an Equation to be Solved

         I had coffee the other day with a new friend and a couple of my dearest friends, and this new friend is called into full time international missions. The wisdom that comes from someone who knows God in a way that their calling is as clear as day is astounding, and the advice I received on Saturday was so valuable that I didn't realize its power until Monday morning.
        So I do this thing--this thing where I try to take my past, my current ideas and the vision of the future that the Lord has given me, and I try to fit them together like a VERY complicated math equation as an attempt to figure out how and why it will all work out like it has and will.
My friends know me as the girl who is ready to step out on a whim, the girl who will jump into the darkest of waters if it is the Lord's will, and do it solely on trust and obedience. But this morning I am convicted that maybe I'm not as good at trusting as I put off to others, for what kind of child truly trusts their mother and father if all they do is sit and strive to figure out every in and out of how they are being raised? What kind of trusting child says that they faithfully trust their elders when, at the same time, they are desperately searching behind the scenes for the ability to do it on their own? No trusting child does these things.
        A lot of the time, I am a hypocrite in my encouragement to others. A lot of the time, I tell loved ones, "God is not meant to be understood. If we could fit His ways into a box the size of our minds, he wouldn't be a very powerful God." I encourage people with sayings like, "Trust God. He hasn't failed to follow through at this point, so why would He start now?," and "You just have to walk in obedience. No questions asked, simple listening to the Holy Spirit within us for the guidance we are promised provision for." I believe these things, and the past year of my life has been carried out through these truths, but today, as I am preparing to embark on the most significant and most terrifying venture of my twenty years of life, I realize I am no longer living out these truths to even the smallest degree.
        You see, humanity is not good at the level of math that God's ways sit on, and every attempt that we make to put one word from Jesus as x and another calling from God as y is sure to crumble. Maybe its the Lord's way of reminding us of His sense of humor, but at this point, I honestly think that as soon as we stop trying to solve our life's equation and embrace the challenge as it is, we will receive understanding to the best of our human ability. We may never know why we heard x, and we may never understand how we will get to y, but our ultimate superpower is trusting the Solver Himself.
        So what does this look like--this blind faith I hear everyone speak of?
        I have been in the book of Isaiah for a couple of weeks now, digesting the richness of written prophesy, and this morning I read something that resonated so deeply with humanity's daddy issues:
      Look to the rock from which you were cut, to the quarry from which you were hewn.
 (Isaiah 51:1)
        Israel was cut from the rock of Abraham and Sarah, a rock which was old and barren and seemingly hopeless in terms of creating descendants. I love the story of Abraham and Sarah because of the challenge we receive to trust God to the fullest. Maybe it was at the exact point that Abraham stopped trying to figure out how Sarah would bear a child in such old age that he was provided with a pregnant wife. Maybe it was the exact moment that Abraham said, "God, I put this at your feet and trust that you will fulfill your promises, like you always have," that the promise was even more fully delivered. And maybe its the point when we say, "Lord, I trust you enough to not even attempt to figure out the wonder of your ways," where He will flip our lives upside down into something we never could have ourselves imagined.

        Not only are we cut from a rock that was once barren and made beautiful and prosperous by the Lord, but we are also cut from the Rock of the Cornerstone. And that comes with more promise than we could ever care to solve the equation of.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine, according to the power of his work within us.         
Ephesians 3:20

just when you think you have it all figured out...

... The Lord says, "No, my child! I have it all under control."

     The past four months have been full of preparation to spend two months in Nepal. Constant fundraising. Constant prayer for the Nepali people. Constant requests for God's provision over a $5,100 mission trip. I was ready, and I was $1,500 away from my feet hitting the ground in Kathmandu. And then, on the last Friday of March, I received a phone call informing me that the trip to Nepal was being cancelled. Cancelled?

      Immediately, I begin to think, "Okay, God. What the heck are you doing?" So I just began to pray. I had all of this money donated to my account with Adventures in Missions, so I had to find another country to spend two months in... by the April 1 deadline. I researched and researched and prayed for the Lord to weigh a specific nation on my heart, but contrary to popular belief, God doesn't always come to you in a big booming voice to let you know where you should go. To be completely raw with you guys, I was fighting off severe frustration with God. How could He weigh a nation so heavily on my heart and then take the opportunity away? How could He allow me to prepare myself to spend months in the Himalayas only to not allow me to go? 

    But I was reminded that afternoon of something that should have been so obvious: God saw this coming. God knew the trip would eventually be canceled. And I don't know if He had me commit to this trip to Nepal just to draw my attention to the country I would actually be spending sixty days in, but regardless of the reasoning I'll never understand, he drew me to Guatemala. And now I have the opportunity to spend the summer in Central America, and with the perfect timing He tends to have, I have already raised the perfect amount of money for this trip. With the generosity of you all and the open doors for art commissions, the Lord has provided the base $3,000 for the trip, $200 for insurance, and even extra funding for traveling and outdoor gear. And today, hearing that I am being placed on the team to Guatemala, I was just comforted with the reminder that even when things seem to shatter, even when plans go haywire, God has it all under control. 

And then I think back to this past week. A week where ALL the lost nations have weighed so heavy on my heart. A week where I have sat and cried in my car for the lost people of EVERY nation, not just Nepal, who need the love of Jesus. And I realize that not only did the Lord see this coming, but He also prepared my heart for this change of plans. All week, He has reminded me that it's not just Nepal who needs Him--it's every nation. 

So, I am so excited (and incredibly nervous) to say, after much confusion and desperate prayer, that I will leave June 3rd to spend all of June and July ministering to the people of Guatemala. And God is so good. 

I want to say a special thank you to every person who has provided financially and prayerfully for this. Without the generosity of the loving people around me, I would be hopeless in this venture, and I constantly pray that your investment in the furthering of the Kingdom will go to eternal difference in people's lives. Please continue to pray for open hearts in the nation of Guatemala and for the Spirit of the Lord to touch those we encounter, for without Him, our efforts are meaningless. Love and prayers are sent your all's way; feel free to message me with any questions you have about this mission and updates on what my team and I will be up to!

xo Savannah