What is it about birthdays that makes them less and less enchanting as you get older?
On my part, I'm guessing it's the realization that growing older is no longer something to rush.
I promise not to make this a huge midnight ordeal about appreciating one's childhood and wishing I could be a kid again. I'm only being reminiscent and nostalgic on my third day at college and first day in official adulthood.
I've been thinking a lot about solitude. Independence is a virtue of mine that I have learned to love and appreciate, but on only my second day away from home in a new environment, I was anxious about making friends. I have always been told that you meet some of your best friends in college, so of course when I had not met my new best friend yet, I felt I was doing something wrong.
In this frazzled mental state yesterday morning, I turned to Scripture-- something I had not done in a while in times of worry.
I read small excerpts of Jesus isolating himself from others to draw close to God, of the importance in being by yourself regularly, and of being comfortable with solitude. And I was automatically put at peace. I see in so many a discomfort in being alone, but it is a state to cherish and use to allow ourselves to grow in the Presence of God.
Throughout high school, I consistently had what I called "repair days." These were days for me to be nice to myself-- take a long shower, do my nails, leave my hair damp and face bare. They were my days to catch back up in life physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and a block of life that I used to separate myself from the world. And there was no greater feeling than the renewed energy and mindset after a repair day.
Solitude is nothing to be afraid of; it is our way of connecting back with the unworldly world through a quiet mind, and a chance to wire it all back to God. As we each grow older, we need periods of isolation more and more. Our minds grow more cluttered with the tasks and struggles of everyday lives, and are often clouded by utter nonsense that we only think is important to worry about. Scientifically, as a human gains more worldly experience and sees more and learns more and builds more synaptic connections in the brain, our brains are wound more tightly. In a visual picture, we cram more and more files into a file cabinet that isn't physically going to get any bigger. I like to make sense of how crammed our minds get by the fact that our neurons and synaptic junctions grow exponentially every moment, and as our brains do not simply grow in its physical state to fit more information, everything just gets crammed into each brain tighter and tighter.
And this is a great thing! The tighter the brain cells, the more we have experienced and the more we know. To draw another mental picture, however, I believe solitude allows those brain connections to relax for a while. It gives our minds the chance to wander freely rather than constantly figure out the next problem.
So be by yourself. Take a hike alone. Take yourself to dinner. Have a repair day. It's good for the soul, and God likes it too, I think.
I do apologize if I rambled any on this one. It's approaching one a.m. and I'm not the regular night owl. But I have a feeling college is going to make me one.
"Solitude is the creation of an open, empty space in our lives by purposely abstaining from interaction with other human beings, so that, freed from competing loyalties, we can be found by God."
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