I thought that committing to spend months overseas for God would set my heart on fire for Him. I thought it would alter my life in such a way that, before I even stepped foot in Nepal, I would be given a faith so strong that nothing could bring me down. The enemy supposedly had different plans for me and my holiday season.
Seasons are thrown at us right and left, as both Christians and humans in general, and this past month has been a season of frustration and stress and a feeling of paralyzed distance from the Lord. I have not only been pulled back and forth about future plans, but have been receiving doubts upon doubts about whether I should even go to Nepal. The one thing I was so sure of less than two months before was being pulled away--the one call from God I had ever clearly heard.
Everyone made it out to be so easy, committing to a mission trip. You hear your calling, you commit to a trip, you raise the money, everyone gets excited for you, then you go and you serve and you are forever changed. But the truth is, as I am now realizing, that anytime we are on the verge of a breakthrough in our faith, the enemy is always going to make it harder for us to reach that breakthrough. He will use every opportunity to sting us with doubts, deceive us into thinking it is impossible to raise the money, or even tell us that we won't be able to handle two months away from home.
Amidst all the stress, all the distractions, all the trauma of battling back and forth in my mind, I came across 1 Peter 5:10--
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
And it seemed to be a direct answer. I learned two things from this season of distance:
1. We suffer for a reason. We go through tough seasons for a reason. I firmly believe that God does not cause bad things to happen to us; God is inherently and completely good in that way. But the enemy loves to throw curve balls at us, to trip us up in our walk of faith, to make life so hard sometimes that we begin to blame God for every bad circumstance and situation. The Lord does not cause bad things to happen, but he sees Satan's curveballs coming and because of that He puts them to good use. Every ounce of suffering we endure, as long as we cling to what we know is good, will always result in our strength and persevered relationship with Jesus. It all sounds so cliche, but how often do we find ourselves in the bathroom floor on our knees, pleading for God's presence and guidance, when life is going well? We need those moments.
2. It does not matter how distant you feel from God sometimes, because that does not change the fact that he will never leave you. Feelings are absolutely fleeting sensations, and basing our lives on what we feel is basing our lives on something that changes constantly. We can feel distant. We can feel alone and upset. We can feel angry and isolated. We can feel condemned and shameful. But none of those feelings change the truths that we are never alone and we are new again. Aren't you thankful for that?!
And then today I realized that in the middle of all this unnecessary freaking out, I sent out my first fundraising letters without including the envelopes for recipients to mail checks in. So most of this financial stress is just from me being silly and forgetful.
I guess, to tie this back to what I was initially writing about, I'll end with the statement that nothing about preparing for a calling is simple. I constantly tell my students at Highlands, when they're going through times of struggle, that you know you're onto something good when life gets hard. That means a breakthrough is close, for the enemy is doing everything in his power to throw you off track before you reach that light. So we keep walking, and we continue to cling to the only thing that we know to be good and true, and we trust that our God, the God of kept promises, will fulfill the promises he gave to us as we take yet another step toward His voice.
1. We suffer for a reason. We go through tough seasons for a reason. I firmly believe that God does not cause bad things to happen to us; God is inherently and completely good in that way. But the enemy loves to throw curve balls at us, to trip us up in our walk of faith, to make life so hard sometimes that we begin to blame God for every bad circumstance and situation. The Lord does not cause bad things to happen, but he sees Satan's curveballs coming and because of that He puts them to good use. Every ounce of suffering we endure, as long as we cling to what we know is good, will always result in our strength and persevered relationship with Jesus. It all sounds so cliche, but how often do we find ourselves in the bathroom floor on our knees, pleading for God's presence and guidance, when life is going well? We need those moments.
2. It does not matter how distant you feel from God sometimes, because that does not change the fact that he will never leave you. Feelings are absolutely fleeting sensations, and basing our lives on what we feel is basing our lives on something that changes constantly. We can feel distant. We can feel alone and upset. We can feel angry and isolated. We can feel condemned and shameful. But none of those feelings change the truths that we are never alone and we are new again. Aren't you thankful for that?!
And then today I realized that in the middle of all this unnecessary freaking out, I sent out my first fundraising letters without including the envelopes for recipients to mail checks in. So most of this financial stress is just from me being silly and forgetful.
I guess, to tie this back to what I was initially writing about, I'll end with the statement that nothing about preparing for a calling is simple. I constantly tell my students at Highlands, when they're going through times of struggle, that you know you're onto something good when life gets hard. That means a breakthrough is close, for the enemy is doing everything in his power to throw you off track before you reach that light. So we keep walking, and we continue to cling to the only thing that we know to be good and true, and we trust that our God, the God of kept promises, will fulfill the promises he gave to us as we take yet another step toward His voice.
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I will be spending two months in Kathmandu, Nepal during summer 2016 to spread the love of Jesus, I still have $4,860 to raise before I launch on June 3! Partner with me in this ministry with Adventures in Missions HERE! 
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